New Year, Same Old WMATA F**k Ups

After being faced with horrendous wait times and another flurry of mechanical problems, I've written my enemies over at the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority once again.....

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Dear WMATA:

For years, I have been writing to your organization in the hopes that conditions for riders in and around Washington, DC would improve. Instead, my fellow commuters and I have been faced with a flurry of illogical fare increases, piss-poor management and hazardous conditions on a regular basis. In short, it has been one damn inconvenience after another.

First, I must point out the horrendous service facing passengers as of late. Each day, I arrive at Rosslyn to transfer to the Orange line for three stops at approximately 5pm. In the past month, more often than not, the amount of Blue line trains exceeds the amount of Orange line trains which is insanity, given the volume of riders the Orange line experiences heading towards Vienna. A solution must be worked out whereby express trains are introduced or you take one of the Blue line trains and switch it to an Orange line train as it arrives at Rosslyn. There is no need for empty Blue line car after empty Blue line car to pass by as Orange line riders are standing around playing with themselves.

While we are talking about volume of passengers, it is clear that METRO must redesign the interiors of its train cars to match the times. The half-assed redesign with hand grips overhead and non-carpeted floors does little to alleviate the fact that having seats positioned into the aisle is the absolute worst way to configure a vehicle of mass transit. Instead of removing seats and potentially angering some riders, flank the seats down the side of the train car so more people can file into the middle of the car with ease. The MTA in New York does this, and so do some trains on the MBTA in Boston. It makes infinite more sense. But then again, sense is the last thing that comes to mind upon mention of WMATA.

With regards to WMATA’s fare structure, it is way too obtuse, but reflects the bureaucratic and convoluted way in which the city it serves operates. I was pleased to hear of the proposal that the peak of the peak fare was to be eliminated, but, much like the power-drunk government under which we live, no good deed goes unpunished. The elimination of this malarkey peak fare will almost certainly come at the cost of an across the board fare increase. What exactly are we, the riders, getting for this fare increase? Another steaming load of delays and aggravation? I sure as hell don’t see wait times between trains diminished or more modern equipment being pressed into service as a result of these increases.

While we are discussing wait times, why is it that I must wait until 2013 for the next train during nights and weekends? Upon leaving the Verizon Center near Chinatown last Saturday evening at around 10pm, I was faced with a 15 minute wait for a train to get to Metro Center, and then who knows how much longer of a wait for an Orange Line train back to Arlington. Upon seeing this, I left the station, was charged an exit fee for the convenience of NOT having the next train sign OUTSIDE of the station and took a cab home. Another shining example of WMATA being about as pleasurable as a hemorrhoid flare up.

I honestly don’t think you people running WMATA get it. NOT ONE DAMN PERSON wants to willingly take public transportation in this two-bit town because it is HIGHLY inconvenient and costs way too much for the service that is provided. Here’s a newsflash you dimwits: this is a capitalist society we live in, as much as the District of Columbia likes to fool itself into thinking it is some sort of socialist bastion (that frankly has failed). People will not take the subway simply because it is there. In a free market, individuals are free to move about and choose the most efficient and convenient means possible for getting from one place to another. Nine times out of ten, this decision process will preclude employing WMATA.

Finally, it was disappointing yet not surprising to read of yet another black mark against WMATA with regards to the two employees found bilking the agency of $150,000[1] by stealing fare money after it was collected. Then again, with the transit unions firmly entrenched, I wouldn’t be surprised to see miscreants such as these two back on the job before their dinner gets cold. WMATA is another shining example of the entitled few taking advantage of the hard working many.

My only question left to you, as the individuals employed to run this disturbing and downright heinous excuse of a transit authority, is how you can live with yourselves on a day to day basis? Collectively, you have demonstrated time after time that this organization is impervious to suggestions and outcries from the public paying for this beastly system. After seeing your ground troops in action around various stations and subway cars, I can firmly conclude that WMATA personnel are more ill-prepared than Egypt at the outset of the Six Day War. I hope that maybe, for five minutes, you take time out of your day to contemplate how goddamn miserable you make everyone’s day in this godforsaken city. Your system is nothing but an expensive time suck for everyone who uses it; an environment where time is but a mere abstraction and carelessness abounds.

Up yours,

Captain Diplomacy


[1] Metro employees allegedly steal as much as $150,000 in riders’ fares, TBD On Foot, January 19, 2012. http://www.tbd.com/blogs/tbd-on-foot/2012/01/metro-employee-steals-as-much-as-150-000-in-riders-fares-14287.html

Public Policy 101 by Captain Diplomacy

You ever wonder why no one cares about politics anymore? Have you read the news lately? Note, I said READ because TV news is purely for entertainment purposes. I avoid talking politics 99% of the time because it is too divisive. However, it's gotten so bad that I had to say a few words. As usual, I will not bitch without offering up a solution, no matter how controversial. Consider it my short treatise on government:

1) You can't print money without side effects. It's not a matter of if, but when inflation will hit when the monetary supply increases. I like to use the following analogy...you can eat as many bananas as you want. Eventually you'll have to take a shit. It won't be pretty. Until the housing beast is dealt with, either in terms of writing off the debt or a bunch of people taking it on the arm as they should (i.e. those who bought shit they knew they couldn't afford), well, we're going to continue to have, as Kurtis Blow would say, hard times. And those are the breaks.

2) Before you vote on some shit, for Christ's sake, learn how to pronounce it correctly (i.e. nuCLEAR versus nuCUlear). Solution: take a goddamn grammar course you imbeciles.

3) Term limits. Two or three four year terms would be enough, allowing for an elected official who loses after their first term to come back and try again in the future. A classic example of played out politicians is Arlen Spector of Pennsylvania. After almost 30 years and losing the primary, he's still whoring himself out to try and land a gig at 1600 Penn. Ave. Yo pal, take a hint, no one in Pennsylvania wanted your ass anymore. Same with Charles Rangle in New York. Forty years of parlor tricks and using rent controlled apartments for business purposes just isn't enough. Had to come back for more, EHHHHH?

4) Voting the other way doesn't solve anything. Anyone who says "OH I'm going to vote Republican this time around and everything will get better" is a fucking idiot. Vote for who represents your values the best, regardless of party. And folks, haven't you noticed that every four years it's that same damn carousel of choices? Voting is like choosing between airplane food and hospital food. They both leave you with the same aftertaste and bad side effects.

On a visit to Austria in 2008, I was intrigued that Parliament was dissolved because they were deadlocked. Yet, a month or two later, things went back to normal, elections were held and business resumed. An enema like this is just what Congress needs right now. Shit, no business has been going on there for quite some time. They're always jammed up worse than the infamous Thanksgiving constipation of 2006 that I endured. So let's move beyond this two party bullshit, dissolve this ineffectual body and get some more perspectives to sidle up to the table.

5) Before you raise taxes, look at your spending first. The last thing you want to do is piss off the electorate who voted your ass in that sorry seat in the first place. As an example on a local level, let's look at my home, Philadelphia. Just this week they announced that bloggers would require to register for a business license, which would cost $300 for a one time fee or $50 a year.

This FU tax comes at a time when an insurance company settled for $250,000 in a harassment case involving the embattled Housing Authority chief, Carl Greene, who, oh, by the way, just defaulted on the mortgage of his over $615,035 house and was recently in to the IRS for a little over $50,000. Did I mention the guy makes $306,370, with a $44,188 bonus? That is more than Mayor Michael Nutter, Governor Ed Rendell and Housing and Urban Development Chief Shaun Donovan.

The cycle of abuse doesn't end with Greene. The director of the Philadelphia Free Library, Siobhan Reardon, makes close to $200,000 a year at a time when library services are being scaled back and branches are being closed. This leaves knowledge-hungry students with no place to go after school. As a librarian myself, this both pains and insults me. But wait, there's more. It was just reported by the Philadelphia Inquirer that the School Superintendent, Arlene Ackerman collected six days of vacation pay ahead of schedule. This comes on top of a $338,000 annual salary and $65,000 performance bonus. If she stays through next June, she'll get a $100,000 retention bonus.

Dignity needs to be restored to public service. These people are no better than common mafia shylocks, running the streets and shaking people down for a sawbuck when they can least afford it. As long as this behavior continues, I will have absolutely no respect for this government of ours. I love the United States, but I hate this government. We've gotten off track and need to steer it back in the right direction. Until such a correction happens, onward goes this (#$%&*%) thing of ours.