NTSB to Metro: UR D01N 1T WR0NG

As I read the NTSB report about the fatal Metro accident on the Red
line, one thing immediately jumped out at me. Perhaps because of my
line of work, but maybe not - the remarkable similarities to the
Challenger and Columbia space shuttle accidents. The
institutionalized cultural disfunction of both large, bureaucratic
behemoths is unmistakable.

Metro is a disgrace to the capital city it purports to serve. It
cannot even keep its station escalators functional, so an accident of
this magnitude was all but a foregone conclusion. And the constant
excuses heard from the Metro Board, Metro "Management" and Metro
"Customer Service" are all empty words. If I thought they'd
comprehend it or even read it, I'd consider writing and expressing my
displeasure, but what's the point? It's a bureaucracy with sovereign
immunity, so they don't care because they don't have to. "Life is but
a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon
the stage and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Which, in the end, is
the same thing Metro will learn from the NTSB findings... Nothing.

Hypothetical Situation

Alright kids it's time for some learnin'. Time for me to drop the knowledge bomb on your face. Let's play pretend. Let's pretend I'm a train driver, an engineer, in other words. My responsibility is to make sure the train, however large or small it is, no matter who or what it is carrying, stays on the tracks. Now let's continue this thought exercise and say I'm good at my job, like scary good. Like I'm the Tiger Woods of train driving without the awkward looks whenever the ex-wife drops off the kids for me to watch while I'm playing the back nine with some TGIFriday's waitresses... I'm a train idiot savant with more emphasis on the savant than idiot and definitely more on the train.

Now, no matter how good I am at keeping twenty tons of coal fired steel on the tracks between here and Portland, OR. No matter how many different engine configurations and specifics I know about trains. None of that knowledge will give me any special insight on anything else in the world. For instance, just because I'm great at being an engineer, that does not make me an expert on Indy Car Racing. Oh sure, these two vastly different things may have some superficially common factors, such as wheels...and...people being in them...but my train expertise does not translate into car driving expertise. In fact it would be ridiculous, downright ludicrous, if not outright PAINFULLY OBNOXIOUS if I started acting like I knew everything about Indy car racing to the point where I told other people how to drive and “win” at races. “Hey, Danica, I know you're supposed to be this really good driver and all, but you know you could go faster if you could blah blah blah blah.” That statement was so obnoxious, even in hypothetical, that I really couldn't finish it.

Are you with me so far? Good. That means you have that special something other people on this planet may lack. I like to call it common sense, being aware of what your strengths and weaknesses are, or, in other words, not being a Grade F Shipping Crate of Douche. Now, let's take it one step farther. Let's imagine that I'm not actually good at my job. I'm horrible at what I do, and yet I've become so far stuck in Delusionville that I've convinced myself I'm amazing at being a train engineer (which, incidentally, this train does stop at Delusionville, the place where no one has a drinking problem, everyone looks like an underwear model, and your political party is always right). I'm so bad and so deluded that I'm yelling at the other people in the train cars to get their job done right. I'm yelling at the diner car that their meat is undercooked. I'm yelling at the drink car that the drinks are too weak. Heck, I'm yelling at the caboose because it's not doing a good enough job of providing backup to the train. I'm so busy yelling and micromanaging these other cars that I fail to do my own job. You know, my job as a train driver... The one where I should have to maintain a safe speed, ensure the train is on the right track, make sure we're not going to fall off a cliff, etc. And when the train does go too fast, derails, and falls off the cliff, and kills a bunch of people whose fault is it? Oh no, it's not my fault as this hypothetically horrible, self-deluded train engineer, it's everyone else's fault for not doing my job. (FYI if the last sentence doesn't make sense to you, it's because...well look at the top of the paragraph)

Yes, sadly there are train engineers out there like this. Yes, they are dangerous and should be put down like rabid dogs. Unfortunately, in reality you can't do anything to deal with these horrible train engineers because people can't be killed for being stupid.

Want to know the worst part of all this is? People will still get on trains that this hypothetical, imaginary engineer is driving because they had to have learned from the last trainwreck. Right? Right....?

In closing. I'm getting a train whistle for my phone. Every time you hear it, another idiot has crashed a train...

twitter

Seriously how slow are you? Multiple!! I repeat multiple issues. I just want to upload a pic and your overcapacity. What are your servers measured in kilobytes? How am i supposed to spread my thought viruses around the world if you cant handle a simple update. (I like Mountain Dew yes i do! I like cat with hats you know that. This is about as much sense as TWEETING makes!!! I will further explore the madness of the Tweeting web in further postings. For now oh gentle twitter I smite you!!!!

You need to DIAF. No, seriously...

Pup Fan over at I Still Want More Puppies has put up the "Angry Gentlemen" signal (like the bat signal, but filled with more anger and rage!) and I'm happy to oblige.

So, this pathetic excuse for a dog owner at a Costco in Frederick, Maryland (aka "Stupid Bitch"), decided to go shopping for an hour and fifteen minutes on July 6th.  During that shopping trip, she bought pet toys/supplies for her dog, during which time Stupid Bitch left her dog in the car with the windows rolled up.  That's right, 104 degree day, she leaves the dog in the car.  Brilliant!  To top it off, she comes out of the Costco, discovers that her dog has effectively been cooked alive in her car, but is still clinging to life, and then proceeds to go stand in line and RETURN the pet supplies that she just bought.  You heartless m-fing @#!&.

Here's a link to the story:  Stupid Bitch.  And, based on this follow-up story:  Vindictive Much? it's anyone's guess what her true motives were, since apparently she got custody of the poor dog in a nasty divorce, and it was only finalized within the two weeks before the incident.  She finds the dog in distress, and her first inclination is to go return the pet supplies?  Something's rotten in Denmark, Frederick PD.

On the bright side, she's already 67, so hopefully her time left on this Earth is short, lonely, and miserable.  But I also have a problem with all the pussified Americans who must have walked by that car in the parking lot and didn't do anything about it.  Break the f-ing window.  Strap on a set of balls and save the life of an innocent and helpless creature.  Stop being passive bystanders afraid of lawsuits and liability and do something!

And as for Stupid Bitch, let's hope she's headed somewhere nice and hot in the hereafter.  But for now, Frederick County jail will have to do, assuming she's convicted of the multiple charges against her.  (And, Frederick County judges REALLY, REALLY hate criminals who are cruel to animals.)  Here's to hoping her shower gets "accidentally" stuck on maximum HOT at some point during her stay.  "Oops, sorry Stupid Bitch... the plumbing in this facility is really old... that happens sometimes."  DIAF.  And, welcome to the LIST, Stupid Bitch.

The shame count!

Okay kids, so it's come to this. Here's the running tally of our co-authors and their posts since the inception of the blog. The winner of the Clarence Thomas award for brevity is... *drumroll please* Angry Code Monkey! Welcome to the Hall of Shame!

Angry Rocketman: 17 18
Angry Edge: 8
Angry N1nja: 5
Angry Code Monkey: 1

It should be pretty obvious who needs to step up their posting game, and who does not.

[Edited at 8:47PM to account for new post by Angry Rocketman above - LOAG]

Ranting and Redesigning

Do you know what's difficult about having a co-authored blog? When your co-authors do not contribute to said blog! I mean, seriously, it's the summer, there's not that much going on... either there's not enough anger (doubtful!) or you all are just slacking. Let's pick up the pace, Angry Gentlemen. One post in the entire month of July so far? And only two in June? FAIL. Angry Gentlemen Enterprises will never reach Phase 3 at this rate!

To that end, I've redesigned the blog using a new template, allowing for more features and media-intensive posts. Let's do this!

NBAint

WELL WELL WELL!!! i can't win a championship Lebron how you doing? Oh, that's right I cant get away from you in the media. Will he go here, will he go there? the only thing I know is he ain't gonna win a championship so who cares. What type of egomaniac are you? you bail on your team in the playoffs and I am supposed to think your the best thing since sliced bread. King James more like the court freakin jester! wearing Jordans number are you kidding me? You aren't fit to sniff his crusty old jock strap!!! When will the NBA figure it out? You will lose your fans overtime with the massive contracts and the prima donnas! People hate this type of crap when they are struggling to make ends meet. Hopefully, we will have a lockout next year and your fall from stardom will be swift! good luck failing the next team you promise a championship!

Metrobus - Ignoring DC traffic laws since 1976

 A series of photos from my morning commute as a Metrobus makes an illegal turn from the very clearly marked "straight thru only" lane on Constitution Ave NW and 12th Street NW this morning at 7:50AM, cutting off the entire line of cars waiting patiently in the left-turn-only lane... I guess he decided he didn't want to/have to wait in the line like everyone else.  In the process, he took up an entire turn-light cycle to make his illegal maneuver, stopping others from legally turning.  He did kindly signal his (illegal) intentions, so at least everyone else knew to stay the hell out of his way, lest they get run off the road or into oncoming traffic on 12th street by his bus.

Congratulations, you're the asshat driver of the week!  And these are the asshats we're going to trust to run Metro out to IAD?  Good luck with that sh**!

Memo to IRS: SUCK IT!

So, here we are, twelve weeks after submitting our federal tax return (mandatorily) on paper to claim the first time homebuyer tax credit ("FTHC"). Apparently, "Upload PDF" is a concept too advanced for the IRS workerbees to handle. They force you to file on paper so you can include a copy of the HUD-1 to reduce fraudulent FTHC claims. Really? Who actually has the balls to do that???

The online IRS "Where is my refund?" tool first said June 2, then June 14, and then as of this morning "Call". Helpful, very helpful. It must be nice to have a job where you just move deadlines out when you don't meet them. "We're the federal government, we don't give a sh1t, because we don't have to!" So this morning I figured I'd call. The IRS says that one of their data-entry monkeys likely made a mistake keying in our (mandatory) paper return, and it got sent to the "Error Correction" division. For FOUR weeks. Yes, that's right. Four weeks to correct a data entry error on a two page form. Also, you force us to file on paper, and then one of your drones has to type all the information in anyway? Obviously, these are highly competent and efficient federal workers we're talking about...

But that's not all - it then takes an ADDITIONAL 4-8 weeks to issue the refund once it emerges from "Error Correction". So we're now looking at July or August "maybe"... And of course the agent laughed when I asked if they'd be paying interest on the money they've now had the pleasure of using for six months and counting. They "did not anticipate the volume of paper returns" - really, asshats? You force hundreds of thousands of people across the US to file on paper, and then didn't anticipate the volume? Maybe you should have conferred with the Department of State - they had the same "unanticipated volume" a few years ago when the rules requiring a passport to go pretty much anywhere outside the US went into effect. If you really, truly need something FUBAR-d, just involve the wholly incompetent federal government.

Wallpaper removal!

The Angry Edge's post below reminds me: a shout-out to the asshats who wallpapered the drywall in our dining room WITHOUT PRIMING IT FIRST. Now the wallpaper glue is hermetically bonded to the paper facing of the drywall at a subatomic level. Nice going, you corner-cutting morons! Way to make removing your (decidedly hideous) wallpaper much more difficult and perhaps even impossible without causing irreparable harm to said drywall. Know what I didn't want to have to do? Skim coat the walls or worse yet hang and tape new drywall. What is it looking like I will have to do? Exactly f-ing that! Asshats!

building a better home

Hey knucklehead who built my home. How about? I don't know? abiding by code and doing your job. I love starting a simple project like say installing a kitchen light. Only to find that your lazy behind dry walled in the electrical lines. To complicate my life and exacerbate your laziness you decide that (Well I'll just grab a knife here and cut a hole in the ceiling horizontally until i find the electric line) although you cut a line all the way to the stud did ya go the extra mile and install an electrical box? absolutely not that would be out of the question! Instead you put bolts in the ceiling and installed and industrial ugly fluorescent light! Its laziness like this why America is failing. People do a half ass job and expect praise for it! Once again i would like to thank the ass that failed my house. You forced me to make trips to lowes buy tools i rather not have purchased and spend 3-4 hours doing something that i really didnt want to do. And guess what i got to patch the hole you made and ill even get to paint the kitchen dining room kitchen and hallway. Why because its all connected you ass. What would have taken you 5 minutes retard!!! is going to take me a full day. Painters come through after electrical ass! Once again thanks

International relations, Top Gun style

To the minivan with diplomat plates on I-66 going 53 MPH in the left
lane who I finally managed to cut off and flip the bird through my
moonroof - "Welcome to America!". Now please learn to drive, or
return to the Middle Eastern nation that you obviously represent.
You're just lucky I didn't slam on the brakes so Uncle Sam could
purchase me a new ride.

If I had diplomatic immunity, I'd be rocking 100+ on the interstate,
not traveling below the speed limit and causing a giant traffic tie-up
behind my slow moving ass.

oil and apologies

Dear Mr. Obama i have some questions! I was watching on CNN that Supertankers(sitting in the middle east) could be used to clean up the oil draining into the American coastline. Where is the outrage? where is the promised change? Where is the democratic environmental party the party of the people raging against the corporations? Why are they not being utilized and throwing everything we can at this BP mess????? next up HOW DARE YOU apologize to Mexico under any circumstance! This is America... Do you think there might be a reason Arizona voted it into law? Ever used your brain and looked at what Mexico allows people who immigrate from the south of their borders. I am sorely disappointed!!!! Guess your stuck trying to run your specialized agenda and once again screw the people! I guess we will just happily give up our technological edges and watch as our shores become uninhabitable. Good job Mr. President thumbs up...

Waiting for Godot? Nope, just beer!

So I go to the local Giant to pick up some beer for the weekend on my way home from work. This is not an unusual occurrence. I'm over thirty, so the drinking age is pretty much a non-issue at this point, right? I don't usually get "carded" anymore, or whatever the cool kids are calling it these days - I certainly look 21+. Anyway, back to Giant - I've got the beer, and a few other items. Cashier looks like he's about 12, but he's the shortest line (self-serve checkout lanes were FULL with morons who apparently couldn't figure out how to use the machines, thus the cashier lane). Rings up the other items, asks for ID - I hand over ID - he checks it, punches in the DOB, hands it back to me, and then... rings the little "need a manager" bell. I'm puzzled, but figured whatever, maybe the register is having issues or something. A couple of minutes pass, people behind in line start looking forward with the annoyed "WTF?" expression on their faces, and I'm starting to feel like some sort of deadbeat whose credit card got rejected or I'm underage or something... especially since the kid offered zero explanation for what was going on, in fact he hasn't said a word to me since he rung his little bell. He then rings the bell again, at which point I ask in a fairly annoyed tone "So, is there a problem here? What exactly are we waiting for?" At which point he sheepishly admits that HE is underage, and too young to sell me beer, so he needs the manager to override the prohibition with his magical register key.

Are you F-ING kidding me? What moron manager staffs a kid at a supermarket checkout on a Friday afternoon... who cannot ring up beer? I'm no supermarket marketing expert, but I'd bet beer and wine tend to be pretty popular Friday and Saturday purchases! Just sayin'... probably best to try not to make your customers feel like deadbeats because they happen to be picking up some beer on their way home from another fun day at the office. And with all the people currently out of work - they couldn't find someone old enough to not need managerial approval for every beer or wine sale to hire for the position? Seriously? Suck it, Giant. And welcome to the List.