Proprietary Capitalism with a hint of sarcasm

In the realm of mobile phones I'm a curmudgeon. I believe that a person should get what they pay for! What happened to options? Their was a time you could purchase features you wanted and eliminate the ones you don't. Now if i want a phone that has a good calendar I have to purchase a data plan. What does email, web-surfing and text have to do with having a functional calendar? Phones are being forced down our throats because their cool, hip and a status symbol. "Wow look at my I-Phone how cool am I?" "Oh yeah i have the Droid!" Who gives a rip! Here's the issue, if you don't want or need all the functionality of a smart phone why are you forced to purchase it? However, if i chose to downgrade I don't want the phone to be straight out of 80's with a separate 20 pound F---ing battery pack . Cell phones are a pretty profitable enterprise at the moment. Anyone remember when the cell companies were sued and forced to have a graduated reduction in termination fees. The outcome of that was that the cell phones companies jacked the termination fees from 150 to 300 doubling the cost. Thanks litigators now if i want out of my contract i have to pay double how the H does that save me cash MORONS. The problem is home phones are going the way of the Dodo. Smart phones are cool and If you do want a one your gonna drop a minimum of 1200 a year and that's without a protections plan. Guess what i can take a 9 day cruise to the Bahamas for less! Ever wonder what the cost of these plans would be if they didn't drop a billion dollars a year in advertising.

Eventually, i will give in and join the masses of morons slow surfing the net!

But for now i'll enjoy watching traffic, waiting for the next moron in a Prius downloading I-tunes, drinking nonfat, no foam, sugar free I'm a loser latte careen into the guardrail!

Angry N1nja Says FU Snow Driver

Hey kids, life lesson here. It's snowing like a motherf'er outside so unless you really need to be out and about, you shouldn't be driving. In other words: You're an idiot. Get off the road.

You're the idiot that doesn't know how to handle their rear wheel drive penis overcompensation machine in any road condition that doesn't include the word "dry". So you end up spinning out and blocking the ONE LANE of road that the snowplows have graciously provided us poor schmucks that are blessed to be living near the epic disaster that is the evidence of your lack of snowdriving skills. Get off the road.

You're the idiot in the SUV with the automatic all wheel drive which somehow translates to "80 MPH on this ice covered road is perfectly safe" What's that Mr. I'm Really Not Driving a Station Wagon? We're not going fast enough? Better hit the brakes, ya know the one to the left of the pedal you're currently mashing against the floor. Or you can just swerve and make your own lane in the snow then cut back over really quickly. That's totally fine. That couldn't possibly cause any kin of accident. Get off the road.

You're the idiot in the minivan that's been riding my bumper for the last mile. I get it. Your kids are brats or you had a "happy little accident" because you thought this one time without a condom would be completely fine since she's on the pill, right? I don't care that they're screaming in your ear for ice cream on one of the coldest f'ing days this year. I don't care that you want to get home and drink away the memories of today like you drank away the hopes and dreams you had before you started spawning. We're going slower because it's SAFER not because I personally have decided to make that sad pathetic excuse you call a "life" even more of a hell than it is now. I don't care if you end your life and the lives of all those future Darwin Award Winners you call Daddy's Little Angels but don't even think about hitting my fender. Get off the road.

You're the idiot that's looking in her rearview mirror to fix her makeup while she's on the phone talking with her friend and fiddling with her music in the middle of this snowstorm. You should be shot in the face. Repeatedly. Get off the road.

All the rest of you. You're idiots. Get off the road and keep it nice and clear. I've gotta make a beer run since I'm not going into work tomorrow.

That's ENOUGH with the snow!

To all the "snowlovers" out there who keep asking for the DC and Northern Virginia areas to be hit with even MORE snow this week, despite the fact we just received two to three feet - prepare to be punched in the face by ME! I'm sorry that you don't like the "average" DC winter with only five inches of snow or so - but this area is simply not equipped to handle this much snow in such a short period of time.

I do not enjoy having a power outage that lasts for almost 24 hours, plunging the temperature of my house to 54 degrees. I do not enjoy having yet to see a plow on my street (thanks, VDOT!) which I could understand if they were focusing on the interstates and main roads. But, having driven on those today - go go gadget AWD - I'm certain that's not it! (And for DDOT - piling up giant mounds of snow in the major intersections? Really? THAT is your snow removal plan? How exactly do you expect that to work?)

And if I hear one more of you tell me to "make a snowman" or "enjoy the gossamer beauty" or "just relax and enjoy the slower pace of l ife" - you better be prepared for my response. I don't care if DC breaks its all-time snow record. I don't care that you don't enjoy the "average" DC winter here. And I sure as hell do not want to hear about how awesome another 3 feet of snow would be!

Having planned a 42-person Super Bowl party which had to be cancelled, I admittedly have a slightly biased viewpoint on this. Nonetheless, I stand by my rage against the snowlovers.

You've been warned.

Welcome to LOAG!

"Gentlemen, this is the real thing. This is what you've been trained for. You are America's best. Make us proud!"

And with that, I inaugurate LOAG, a place for my contributing authors and I to vent our frustrations and discuss anything and everything.

Anger on!