Angry N1nja Says FU Snow Driver

Hey kids, life lesson here. It's snowing like a motherf'er outside so unless you really need to be out and about, you shouldn't be driving. In other words: You're an idiot. Get off the road.

You're the idiot that doesn't know how to handle their rear wheel drive penis overcompensation machine in any road condition that doesn't include the word "dry". So you end up spinning out and blocking the ONE LANE of road that the snowplows have graciously provided us poor schmucks that are blessed to be living near the epic disaster that is the evidence of your lack of snowdriving skills. Get off the road.

You're the idiot in the SUV with the automatic all wheel drive which somehow translates to "80 MPH on this ice covered road is perfectly safe" What's that Mr. I'm Really Not Driving a Station Wagon? We're not going fast enough? Better hit the brakes, ya know the one to the left of the pedal you're currently mashing against the floor. Or you can just swerve and make your own lane in the snow then cut back over really quickly. That's totally fine. That couldn't possibly cause any kin of accident. Get off the road.

You're the idiot in the minivan that's been riding my bumper for the last mile. I get it. Your kids are brats or you had a "happy little accident" because you thought this one time without a condom would be completely fine since she's on the pill, right? I don't care that they're screaming in your ear for ice cream on one of the coldest f'ing days this year. I don't care that you want to get home and drink away the memories of today like you drank away the hopes and dreams you had before you started spawning. We're going slower because it's SAFER not because I personally have decided to make that sad pathetic excuse you call a "life" even more of a hell than it is now. I don't care if you end your life and the lives of all those future Darwin Award Winners you call Daddy's Little Angels but don't even think about hitting my fender. Get off the road.

You're the idiot that's looking in her rearview mirror to fix her makeup while she's on the phone talking with her friend and fiddling with her music in the middle of this snowstorm. You should be shot in the face. Repeatedly. Get off the road.

All the rest of you. You're idiots. Get off the road and keep it nice and clear. I've gotta make a beer run since I'm not going into work tomorrow.