Wallpaper removal!

The Angry Edge's post below reminds me: a shout-out to the asshats who wallpapered the drywall in our dining room WITHOUT PRIMING IT FIRST. Now the wallpaper glue is hermetically bonded to the paper facing of the drywall at a subatomic level. Nice going, you corner-cutting morons! Way to make removing your (decidedly hideous) wallpaper much more difficult and perhaps even impossible without causing irreparable harm to said drywall. Know what I didn't want to have to do? Skim coat the walls or worse yet hang and tape new drywall. What is it looking like I will have to do? Exactly f-ing that! Asshats!

building a better home

Hey knucklehead who built my home. How about? I don't know? abiding by code and doing your job. I love starting a simple project like say installing a kitchen light. Only to find that your lazy behind dry walled in the electrical lines. To complicate my life and exacerbate your laziness you decide that (Well I'll just grab a knife here and cut a hole in the ceiling horizontally until i find the electric line) although you cut a line all the way to the stud did ya go the extra mile and install an electrical box? absolutely not that would be out of the question! Instead you put bolts in the ceiling and installed and industrial ugly fluorescent light! Its laziness like this why America is failing. People do a half ass job and expect praise for it! Once again i would like to thank the ass that failed my house. You forced me to make trips to lowes buy tools i rather not have purchased and spend 3-4 hours doing something that i really didnt want to do. And guess what i got to patch the hole you made and ill even get to paint the kitchen dining room kitchen and hallway. Why because its all connected you ass. What would have taken you 5 minutes retard!!! is going to take me a full day. Painters come through after electrical ass! Once again thanks

International relations, Top Gun style

To the minivan with diplomat plates on I-66 going 53 MPH in the left
lane who I finally managed to cut off and flip the bird through my
moonroof - "Welcome to America!". Now please learn to drive, or
return to the Middle Eastern nation that you obviously represent.
You're just lucky I didn't slam on the brakes so Uncle Sam could
purchase me a new ride.

If I had diplomatic immunity, I'd be rocking 100+ on the interstate,
not traveling below the speed limit and causing a giant traffic tie-up
behind my slow moving ass.

oil and apologies

Dear Mr. Obama i have some questions! I was watching on CNN that Supertankers(sitting in the middle east) could be used to clean up the oil draining into the American coastline. Where is the outrage? where is the promised change? Where is the democratic environmental party the party of the people raging against the corporations? Why are they not being utilized and throwing everything we can at this BP mess????? next up HOW DARE YOU apologize to Mexico under any circumstance! This is America... Do you think there might be a reason Arizona voted it into law? Ever used your brain and looked at what Mexico allows people who immigrate from the south of their borders. I am sorely disappointed!!!! Guess your stuck trying to run your specialized agenda and once again screw the people! I guess we will just happily give up our technological edges and watch as our shores become uninhabitable. Good job Mr. President thumbs up...

Waiting for Godot? Nope, just beer!

So I go to the local Giant to pick up some beer for the weekend on my way home from work. This is not an unusual occurrence. I'm over thirty, so the drinking age is pretty much a non-issue at this point, right? I don't usually get "carded" anymore, or whatever the cool kids are calling it these days - I certainly look 21+. Anyway, back to Giant - I've got the beer, and a few other items. Cashier looks like he's about 12, but he's the shortest line (self-serve checkout lanes were FULL with morons who apparently couldn't figure out how to use the machines, thus the cashier lane). Rings up the other items, asks for ID - I hand over ID - he checks it, punches in the DOB, hands it back to me, and then... rings the little "need a manager" bell. I'm puzzled, but figured whatever, maybe the register is having issues or something. A couple of minutes pass, people behind in line start looking forward with the annoyed "WTF?" expression on their faces, and I'm starting to feel like some sort of deadbeat whose credit card got rejected or I'm underage or something... especially since the kid offered zero explanation for what was going on, in fact he hasn't said a word to me since he rung his little bell. He then rings the bell again, at which point I ask in a fairly annoyed tone "So, is there a problem here? What exactly are we waiting for?" At which point he sheepishly admits that HE is underage, and too young to sell me beer, so he needs the manager to override the prohibition with his magical register key.

Are you F-ING kidding me? What moron manager staffs a kid at a supermarket checkout on a Friday afternoon... who cannot ring up beer? I'm no supermarket marketing expert, but I'd bet beer and wine tend to be pretty popular Friday and Saturday purchases! Just sayin'... probably best to try not to make your customers feel like deadbeats because they happen to be picking up some beer on their way home from another fun day at the office. And with all the people currently out of work - they couldn't find someone old enough to not need managerial approval for every beer or wine sale to hire for the position? Seriously? Suck it, Giant. And welcome to the List.

Looking

Today's message, boys and girls, is quite simple. I'm a hetero male with, what I would consider, a normal enough sex drive. By evolution (or intelligent design if that's what you choose to believe) I'm going to evaluate females for their likelihood in being a genetically compatible fit for procreation of the species. In other words, I'm going to check you out. I'm going to look at your body, determine if you take decent enough care of it (trust me, it's not that hard to figure out) and do some basic cavemen-level math when evaluating your assets. That being said, I do not need any encouragement, help, aid or anything like that along those lines. Of course if you would like to draw attention to your ass or boobs, I will gladly provide the other, balancing half, of that equation and look.

You got something written across the back of your shorts? I'm going to do the gentlemanly thing, sharpen up my reading skills, and read what has been so lovingly plastered in big block lettering across both cheeks. Hell, I'll even do one better by rereading whatever is written and making sure I understand how to pronounce it and I might might write a little red squiggly mark underneath the word if it's misspelled (and people wonder why I carry a red pen). I'm surprised Rosetta Stone hasn't taken advantage of this phenomenon. Men the world over would be learning new languages at breakneck speed if vocabulary words were written on booty shorts. FYI, I'm patenting that idea. So if any of you read this and think to sell, you better be ready to pay me in licensing fees.

The same goes for boobs. Seeing as how I have an ass of my own, that won't always interest me, but since I have no mammary glands (funbags, breasts, jugs o' fun, etc) of my own, I'm going to be naturally curious about them. Put those boobs in a tight tank top with something “witty” written on the front? All bets are off. I'm surprised no one's selling an Admiral Ackbar “It's a Trap!” bustier (trust me, I've looked). Again, I'm trademarking that shit, so no selling without giving me my cut.

In fact, all I need is for the OLED technology to really take off and then I can sell adspace on boobs. Could you imagine the kind of market presence you'd get with your ads then? The physical distance between two nipples pales in comparison to the distance your ad would travel on word of mouth alone. Again. Trademarked.

In short, I've got a pulse. I'm going to look. If you intentionally put words/images/shiny objects where I'm naturally inclined to look, you lose all right to be offended by my looking.

I'm just saying is all...

Back... to Home Depot!

You know what's fun? Making THREE trips to Home Depot all in one day. And then a fourth two weeks later when yet another item from that shopping trip decides to die after only using it twice.

Let's say you buy the following items at Home Depot... a floor lamp, a string-trimmer for the yard, a couple of replacement light-fixture globes, and some other odds and ends such as a garden hose, etc. Of these first three, how many would you expect to have to return? None? Maybe one if you had bad luck? (Caveat: None of these items are made by Sony, in which case you'd expect to have to return all three. But that too is a subject for another post.)

So, you get your purchases home, and you try to replace the fixture globes. First one is no problem at all, fits right into the fixture, no problem. Second one? Not happening. Even though they're supposed to be IDENTICAL. Turns out that the Made in China globe is too wide at the top. Manufacturing defect? Check! *back to Home Depot* Replacement globe fits fine. Score! Right? Right?

Then you try to assemble the floor lamp. Open the box... WTF is THIS? The glass dome of the fixture - not in the box. In fact, it looks like someone returned some OTHER random-ass lamp in the box that your lamp is supposed to be in. This one is spattered in paint too, just for added fun. *back to Home Depot* After waiting (again) at the returns desk... "Oh, this happens ALL THE TIME. In fact, I don't think I'd purchase anything in this store without opening it first..." Fanfreakingtastic! At least the exchange went smoothly, and they did give a discount for the inconvenience of it all, so there's that.

Fast forward two weeks - mowing the lawn, then get out the trusty string-trimmer for the second time I've owned it to do the edging - fire it up, midway through the job - it just DIES. The motor just stopped working, as if the safety-release is stuck in the "maximum safety!" position. Of course, there's a label on the handle... Manufactured in China. So, you guessed it... *back to Home Depot* Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.