We're going off the rails...

... on an icy train!  *UGH*

Oh noes, here comes an ice storm!

If there's one thing that winter in DC is famous for, it's the dreaded "wintry mix."  And the storm tonight into tomorrow is looking like a mess of snow, sleet, and freezing rain, eventually changing to rain but not before the morning commute becomes a demolition derby.  Freezing rain is the stuff nightmares are made of whenever you have to be out on the roads.  Just an eighth of an inch coating the road surface and off to the skating rink we go!  (Note:  Yes, that statement applies to you too, Mr./Mrs. SUV driving asshat.  You can hit the curb or the guardrail just as easily as everyone else - if not even easier, with your higher center of gravity.  So maybe, just maybe, you should slow down like the rest of us?)  Physics!  Whowouldathunk it?

Toyota Prius Plural Ad Campaign: Are you #$%! kidding me?

New Prius Ad Campaign

Hmmmm, plural for Prius.  While I remain partial to Prii, I'd also accept... Prisucks.  Priblows.  PriRAT-TAT-TAT as it gets riddled with .50 cal holes...

I'm thrilled they will expand to an entire lineup of vehicles, clogging the HOV lanes in Virginia, spawning little Prii babies in San Francisco (at last report also a hotbed of Prius activity), and just generally being a slalom course on the roads.  Toxic batteries are really fantastic for planet Earth, as is all the additional pollution you force every other car to unleash into the atmosphere as we slowly creep along behind your hyper-miling, 54MPH in a 65MPH speed limit zone driving, let's creep from light to light at 32 MPH so as to not use the gas motor, smug-spewing asshats.

My personal favorite is when you have two Prii side by side on the interstate, both traveling under the speedlimit, with a line of cars queued up behind them, no passing lane to go around them, as they float down the road on a cloud of their own smugness, completely unaware of the cluster-fark they've created behind them.  Or they just don't care.  Then they act shocked and appalled when you have no choice but to pass on the shoulder, or on the entrance/exit ramps, and they flash their little high beams, and shake their tiny fists through the windshield at you, as you salute them with a cloud of your exhaust.  As the old saying goes, there's no replacement for displacement, bitches!  And your tiny, battery powered toy car is no match for someone who wants your slow moving ass in his rearview mirror.

DC Metro: Lord of the Flies

http://bit.ly/hptpbM

Seriously?  Yeah... good luck with that whole "preventing terrorists through random bag checks" thing, when you can't protect passengers from groups of rowdy children.  WTF WMATA?

A dusting of snow... oh noes!

Can someone please explain to me why, even a light dusting of snow overnight (there's less than 1" on the neighborhood streets) causes both a panic at the supermarket (now there's a band name, panic at the disco!) and a demolition derby on the roads?

And, don't get me started on all the "snow lovers" in this area who are "so disappointed" that the day after Xmas blizzard missed us, and now this storm is only bringing us an inch of snow.  Memo to you white stuff addicts:  This area cannot handle two feet of snow dumped all at once.  CANNOT HANDLE IT.  Are we clear?

Apparently, the monster winter we had last year (with more snow than Rochester, NY) wasn't enough to satisfy you.  You're like the nymphos of the weather world, now that you've had it, you just want more more more!

And, in sad news out of the Virginia DMV...

http://jalopnik.com/5724684/virginia-dmv-revokes-worlds-greatest-license-plate

The complete and utter wussification of our country continues.  "Oh my, I am offended!  Won't someone think of the CHILDREN?"  And how does one make the cognitive leap that the 13 brain-dead drones at the VA DMV must have?  Seriously?  That's what you come up with?

Also, isn't it a bit ironic that they offend the owner of the plate in question in the process of attempting to revoke them, because 4 citizens in a Commonwealth of almost 8 million were "offended"?  I hope the Virginia DMV is flooded with requests for these, and other, humorous vanity plates.

Can I call and say I am "offended" by all the Toyota Prius drivers with their oh-so-cute "HOV-1" "99 MPG" and "HOV 4ME" bullshiat plates, as they cruise in the left lane at 54 mph?

So we meet again, IRS

Do you itemize your tax deductions?  (Schedule A of Form 1040?  Own a home?  Take the mortgage interest deduction?)  Congratulations - because the IRS is a slow moving, worthless, bureaucratic behemoth, you can't even FILE your taxes until "mid to late February."  IRS news release here:  http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=233449,00.html?portlet=7

So, let me get this straight... ADP and all the other payroll processors were ready to "flip the switch" after this series of laws was enacted on December 17th.  January 1, 2011, they were all good to go.  But it takes the IRS an extra TWO MONTHS to implement the same changes to its "processing systems"?  Are you serious?

And, by delaying all the "early filers" - that means there will be another late-filer crunch... more delays, more nonsense, etc.  The federal government is becoming more and more useless with each passing day.  Our tax dollars at work!

So, let's see how long it will take to get a tax refund out of this fantastic agency this year...  maybe they can beat last year's record of August!

First update of 2011: Still angry!

There's going to be some big changes in the coming days to this blog.  First and foremost, the round-robin posts by various authors format obviously isn't working, so I'm taking sh1t over.  We will still have our guest contributors, but I'm not relying on others to keep things moving.  So prepare for more Angry Rocketman!

Second, the blog will soon have a twitter feed.  So if something makes me angry on my way to work, you'll hear about it.  If I'm watching the Giants game and they once again FAIL TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS (you bitches!), you will hear about it.  All in real time, stream-of-consciousness, mind of the Angry Rocketman style.  Hope you're ready!

Follow me on twitter at @angrygentlemen - if my HTML-fu is working, there's a button on the right.  (Not a bathroom, a button...)*

Welcome to 2011 - and stay angry, my friends.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Moon_Rising_(song)

We the sheeple!

"I will not sacrifice the Enterprise.  We've made too many compromises already, too many retreats.  They invade our space, and we fall back.  They assimiliate entire worlds, and we fall back.  Not again.  The line must be drawn here!  This far, no farther!  And I will make them pay for what they've done." - Capt. Picard

An Answer to a Question Nobody Asked

Hippies rejoice! That is, if you live in the United Kingdom. Toyota has decided to foist a limited edition Prius onto the British market, replete with graphite rims and privacy glass. The package also includes a body kit, important to assist with aerodynamics when you approach such blistering speeds over 45mph. Here's a picture of the monstrosity:



How much you ask? It will be on sale for the equivalent of $41,636 USD. Granted, cars tend to be a tad more expensive in Europe due to Value Added Tax (VAT), but even still, the price differential between the basic shitbox and this special edition can't be blamed entirely on VAT. I hope Toyota hasn't entirely resolved the faulty brakes issue with their cars. I say this because I wish the folks who ante up for this smug mobile go crashing through the charred walls of the damned, straight to hell, for buying such a hideous vehicle.

Memo to the green Ford Explorer

Hey, genius - passing a car waiting to turn left on Constitution
Avenue this morning, BY GOING INTO ONCOMING LANES and passing him on
the left is a great way to Darwin yourself, your fugly wife passenger,
and anyone who has the misfortune of driving near you. This is not
Grand Theft Auto, asshole!

MPD - how about some enforcement out here before people start dying,
you worthless sacks of pig shit?

"People are just f-ing dumb"

My nominee for honorary member of the League of Angry Gentlemen?
Kerry King, Slayer guitarist. I could not agree more with the source
of his inspiration:

"The stupidity of humanity... is what fuels my fire. People are just
f-ing dumb. In all aspects of life, be it at a ballgame, an airport, a
bus station, you have to interact with people and people are so
inherently f-ing stupid. I harbor that. It's something that happens
every day. I'll be like 'I'm in a great mood. I'll never make up
lyrics today.' Just go out and mess around with people for a couple
hours and come back fueled for the fire."

Welcome to the League, Mr. King.

Things I Could Do Without in My Life: Sports Commentating

It's piss and moan Monday, folks, so let's talk about something that's chapped my ass for a long time. Sports commentators. With both the NLCS and ALCS in full swing, we're getting an up front view of just how bad these hacks are. Take that asshole Joe Buck for instance. Here's a guy who got where he was because of his daddy and is clearly uninterested in America's favorite past time. He also knows nothing about the Philadelphia Phillies and the team's history, despite having called their games for years now.

While John Madden is borderline senile (stating that a team needs yards adds nothing to the football experience), Buck is more or less the consummate pessimist. He always finds a way to throw a subtle negative comment in there. Watching his diarrhea of the mouth around the 7th inning stretch is akin to that spectacular crash on Tuesday around 11AM after a long weekend of ingesting methamphetamines.

For good measure, here's my pal Artie Lange ripping on Buck's train wreck of a talk show, Joe Buck Live. Remember when Chevy Chase had his own talk show? Buck makes him look like a regular fucking Cronkite.


BobsBlitz.com Provides Artie Lange on Joe Buck Live
Uploaded by bobsblitz. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

Wow, that really IS an annoying commerical!

Consumerist, a bit late to the table, but nonetheless:

http://consumerist.com/2010/09/wow-thats-a-shtty-ad-staples-commercial-voted-worst-ad-in-america.html

Some of you may remember I commented on this very ad waaaaay back in April:

Wow, that's an annoying commercial!

Glad to see America agrees with me.  Now if only they'd read it here first!