Friday, August 13, 2010

Driving 101: Lesson Two

Question 1: There have been severe thunderstorms in your area, and
widespread power outages have resulted. You are on a six lane road,
and off in the distance is an intersection with another six lane
road. The traffic signal is dark. As you approach this intersection
do you:
A). Say to yourself "Hmm, no light. Cool!" and continue speeding toward it.
B). Slow down and proceed with caution through the intersection.
C). Treat the dark signal as a four-way stop sign.
D). Stop well in advance of the intersection, quaking with fear over
not knowing what to do.

The correct answer, my fellow asshats on the road, is C. That's right,
even you, Mr. Metrobus driver who thought the answer was A and almost
caused a multi-car accident in the process. I'm used to your disregard
for all things resembling traffic laws, so I anticipated your
shennanigans, but others less experienced than I in your asshattery
apparently did not.

Since Maryland has a power grid that fails at the mere sight of a
cloud, you'd think all these MD-tagged cars in DC would know the
answer to this question. But apparently not, even though it is in the
MD driver's manual. Of course, I'm not sure it's translated properly
in the Spanish-language version, so maybe that's the issue...

And, I'm not letting you off the hook either, Virginians. You're just
as likely to not be paying attention as you talk on the phone and
drink your coffee and not bother realizing the person in front of you
is stopping at said intersection. Or worse yet, hitting your horn
because you're an impatient me-first asshat who can't figure out why
the "moron" in front of you is stopping.
I hate sharing the road with 99% of you. To the other 1% - be careful
out there. Now, where's that turret?

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