Virginia DMV: FAIL!

Apparently the Virginia DMV computer system (along with various other
Commonwealth computer systems) has now been down for a week. No
driver's license renewals are possible.

However, as of today, our brilliant state government decided to start
exempting tickets to people for having licenses that expired in the
last week. (For tickets written earlier in the week, even though it
was the same problem? Too bad, so sad, tell it to the judge.) While
I am a firm believer in being prepared, and not waiting until the last
minute to get things done, since in my line of work that's a good way
to not see tomorrow, it's really unfair to those citizens who are
accustomed to popping online, hitting "renew" and going on about their
day.

Maybe this is how VA plans to close its budget gap! "Sorry, your
license/permit for XYZ activity has expired. Sorry, there's currently
no way to renew because our computer systems are down. Here's your
Violation Notice. Please pay $200. Sorry, no ETA on when you can
renew. So you will remain in violation and continue to be fined until
we get around to fixing it. Have a nice day!"

Most citizens direct interactions with their government at both the
state and federal level are minimal. However, why is it that EVERY
state and federal agency seems to become more and more incompetent as
the years go by and their budgets tighten? There is no better way to
encourage anti-government rage when the average citizen begins to
loathe, with good reason, every interaction with their "duly elected"
and apparently wholly incompetent government, be it federal, state or
local.

Welcome to America, land where we used to be free, used to be brave,
and now we pretty much just bend over and take it, especially from our
government.

My New Favorite Hobby...

Submitting comments to federal agencies for the Federal Register. Let's see how many four letter words I can let slip through the cracks! My first missive is directed towards the Environmental Protection Agency in response to their ridiculous new fuel economy labels for new cars (see my post earlier today):


Dear EPA: I'm glad to see that my tax dollar is being well spent on asinine projects like this fuel economy label. No doubt countless man hours were spent thinking up these fancy new graphics. Exactly how many pieces of silver is required these days to encourage the average EPA employee to screw in a light bulb?

There are some glaring oversights with the proposed labels. First, the labels for electric and hybrid vehicles fail to account for any kind of long-term cost involved with the replacement or servicing of the battery. Anyone who uses a cell phone, laptop or even something as simple as an electric razor knows that battery performance decreases with use over time. With decreased battery performance comes decreased driving range for electric vehicles (EVs). Besides the performance of the battery, when it comes time to replace it for a new one, what are the monetary and environmental costs of battery disposal? This is not accounted for on the revised label.

Second, the following statement in the update is troubling: "Despite several requests to put the charging times for EVs and plug-ins on the label, the agencies left it off, since they have no standards for measuring it." Nothing screams “politically motivated” more than that statement. Is it really that hard to calculate charging times? The last time I checked, this can be figured out by dividing the capacity of the battery by the charging current power output of the charger.

Third, why do these labels remind me of the terror alert chart? Did you all consult with the guys over at Homeland Security on this project? Why does the EPA think the American public is so mentally challenged that we need colors and grades to make an informed choice about what is, for many, the second most expensive purchase one will make? There are a million other sources of automotive research at our fingertips besides the EPA Fuel Economy labels that can help steer consumers towards a wise purchase.

Then again, this whole proposal makes sense because of one simple feature on these new labels: the QR code for smart phones. For those without a Mensa membership, it is a convenience relied on by many as an intermediary between themselves and reality.

Screw Carmax. This is car purchasing made simple...

Hold on to your hat. Below is what the bureaucrats decided to tackle this week.

Revised fuel economy rating stickers for new cars! Check them out here, and leave your comments on the ruling for the feds!

Revised Fuel Economy Labels

An example of one of the proposed stickers:



In other words, green means bad (Prius), orange means good (Maserati). Sweet. Makes it a whole lot easier!

We Interrupt This Blog To Bring You A Message From North Korea...

Public Policy 101 by Captain Diplomacy

You ever wonder why no one cares about politics anymore? Have you read the news lately? Note, I said READ because TV news is purely for entertainment purposes. I avoid talking politics 99% of the time because it is too divisive. However, it's gotten so bad that I had to say a few words. As usual, I will not bitch without offering up a solution, no matter how controversial. Consider it my short treatise on government:

1) You can't print money without side effects. It's not a matter of if, but when inflation will hit when the monetary supply increases. I like to use the following analogy...you can eat as many bananas as you want. Eventually you'll have to take a shit. It won't be pretty. Until the housing beast is dealt with, either in terms of writing off the debt or a bunch of people taking it on the arm as they should (i.e. those who bought shit they knew they couldn't afford), well, we're going to continue to have, as Kurtis Blow would say, hard times. And those are the breaks.

2) Before you vote on some shit, for Christ's sake, learn how to pronounce it correctly (i.e. nuCLEAR versus nuCUlear). Solution: take a goddamn grammar course you imbeciles.

3) Term limits. Two or three four year terms would be enough, allowing for an elected official who loses after their first term to come back and try again in the future. A classic example of played out politicians is Arlen Spector of Pennsylvania. After almost 30 years and losing the primary, he's still whoring himself out to try and land a gig at 1600 Penn. Ave. Yo pal, take a hint, no one in Pennsylvania wanted your ass anymore. Same with Charles Rangle in New York. Forty years of parlor tricks and using rent controlled apartments for business purposes just isn't enough. Had to come back for more, EHHHHH?

4) Voting the other way doesn't solve anything. Anyone who says "OH I'm going to vote Republican this time around and everything will get better" is a fucking idiot. Vote for who represents your values the best, regardless of party. And folks, haven't you noticed that every four years it's that same damn carousel of choices? Voting is like choosing between airplane food and hospital food. They both leave you with the same aftertaste and bad side effects.

On a visit to Austria in 2008, I was intrigued that Parliament was dissolved because they were deadlocked. Yet, a month or two later, things went back to normal, elections were held and business resumed. An enema like this is just what Congress needs right now. Shit, no business has been going on there for quite some time. They're always jammed up worse than the infamous Thanksgiving constipation of 2006 that I endured. So let's move beyond this two party bullshit, dissolve this ineffectual body and get some more perspectives to sidle up to the table.

5) Before you raise taxes, look at your spending first. The last thing you want to do is piss off the electorate who voted your ass in that sorry seat in the first place. As an example on a local level, let's look at my home, Philadelphia. Just this week they announced that bloggers would require to register for a business license, which would cost $300 for a one time fee or $50 a year.

This FU tax comes at a time when an insurance company settled for $250,000 in a harassment case involving the embattled Housing Authority chief, Carl Greene, who, oh, by the way, just defaulted on the mortgage of his over $615,035 house and was recently in to the IRS for a little over $50,000. Did I mention the guy makes $306,370, with a $44,188 bonus? That is more than Mayor Michael Nutter, Governor Ed Rendell and Housing and Urban Development Chief Shaun Donovan.

The cycle of abuse doesn't end with Greene. The director of the Philadelphia Free Library, Siobhan Reardon, makes close to $200,000 a year at a time when library services are being scaled back and branches are being closed. This leaves knowledge-hungry students with no place to go after school. As a librarian myself, this both pains and insults me. But wait, there's more. It was just reported by the Philadelphia Inquirer that the School Superintendent, Arlene Ackerman collected six days of vacation pay ahead of schedule. This comes on top of a $338,000 annual salary and $65,000 performance bonus. If she stays through next June, she'll get a $100,000 retention bonus.

Dignity needs to be restored to public service. These people are no better than common mafia shylocks, running the streets and shaking people down for a sawbuck when they can least afford it. As long as this behavior continues, I will have absolutely no respect for this government of ours. I love the United States, but I hate this government. We've gotten off track and need to steer it back in the right direction. Until such a correction happens, onward goes this (#$%&*%) thing of ours.

Screw Hybrids in the HOV

To the bitch in the hybrid Lexus SUV on the Dulles Connector Road early this morning who decided that the point where one lane drops off is a good opportunity to pass me when I'm moving as fast as traffic will allow without ramming the car in front of me: F-YOU.

If I had an older car that I cared just a little bit less about, and had a little less regard for my own safety, I would have boxed you out and ran your ass straight into the m-fing guardrail, hopefully with the intention of you flipping your Lexus over and watching as it burst into flames, Hollywood style.  Speed limit in the construction zone is 45.  You pulled your stunt at about 80, in traffic, with no room for error, and running out of daylight as your lane dropped off basically into my car.  And then I watched with amazement as you cut in and out of traffic, causing near-misses and people to slam on their brakes each and every time, down the length of the Connector.  But before you managed that, I hope you enjoyed me riding your @ss, brights flashing, inches off your rear bumper.  You wanna play?  Let's play, bitch.  My car outperforms your sloppy-handling, high center of gravity hybrid - and I sure as hell can out accelerate you.  And you obviously couldn't judge quite how large your precious Lexus was.  Was that a little fear I detected behind those sunglasses as you kept checking your rear-view mirror?  Hmmmm?  Little concerned maaaaaybe you'd pissed off the wrong hombre this time?

Whoever the hell thought "Let's give hybrids an HOV exemption!" in the General Assembly in Richmond needs to be sentenced to hell, aka driving to work in NoVA on "HOV only" roads up here now filled with smug self-entitled asshats like the bitch I encountered this morning, driving solo in their hybrids that get worse gas mileage than every single one of the non-hybrid vehicles I own.  This area now has more Toyota Prii per-capita than even San Francisco, and I assure you it's not because of the styling of the car (at least, I hope it's not) or the amazing performance.  It's for the HOV exemption, which was supposed to have expired years ago, but gets extended year after year after year by the General Assembly.

The Virginia General Assembly treats NoVA as its piggy bank, funding the rest of this bass ackwards, stuck in the 19th century "we put the SOUTH in SOUTHern" state.  And, year after year, the powerless NoVA delegation bends over and takes it up the pooper without lube, because they're powerless to do anything about it.  Our roads suck, our mass transit options suck, and of course our traffic sucks.  But there's 12 lane interstates around Richmond, and 4, 6, and 8 lane highways out in BFE, Virginia that get paved and then repaved every single year, because they have to spend the appropriated money on something.

To all the drivers of hybrids with the cute vanity plates like "HOV-1" , "I-66 4ME" , "EXEMPT1" - and to all the Prii that I slalom around every single morning on my commute to work as you go 54 in the left lane while another Prius goes 53 in the right lane right next to you, rolling roadblock style - one of these days, someone's going to have that older car, and that "screw this, I have good insurance" attitude, maybe they won't be having the best day, and they're going to get fed up and not take anymore of your bullsh1t.  And when that day comes, enjoy the flames, bitches.

Idiot Clients

Clients,

First, let me explain something to you.  You cannot pay us in kangaroos.  You cannot pay us in rice.  You cannot pay us in worthless stock, or worthless stock options.  You cannot pay us in pandas.  Or wallabies.  Or moose.  Or snow.  Or oil.  You can only pay us in cold, hard, american dollars.

Second, if you come to us asking for something as a client, be it an engineering design, production and implementation of that design, or assistance with the US regulatory regime for your chosen industry, we will do our very best to assist you.  We expect to be adequately compensated for that effort.  However, while we are experts in our field, we cannot express an opinion on the seven other fields for which you need assistance, and for which we are not qualified to express an opinion.  To do so would be not only misleading and lead to a poor outcome for you, but it is also malpractice for us.  It does not matter how many times you ask us an accounting question, or how many ways you ask the same question - we cannot answer it.  We are not accountants.  We are not doctors.  We are not stock brokers.  Because we are unable to answer these questions, that does not make us "unqualified" and does not relieve you of your obligation to pay us for the effort we've expended on your behalf, answering all the questions we are in fact qualified to answer and which we have dutifully fulfilled our obligation to answer.

Third, if you're in over your head, we will tell you you are in over your head.  Just because you received  advice from someone else prior to our involvement who may have sent you down the "wrong path" does not obviate the fact that we've done the work which you've asked us to do, and we expect to be compensated as such.

/end rant

Oh look, it's raining again!

Dear VDOT,

When trying to clear your ever-present construction zones (For the Dulles Metro, the HOT highway-robbery lanes, or whatever your pet project of the decade is) of storm water, you know where you should NOT direct the outflow pipes for the aforesaid storm water?  ONTO THE ALREADY FLOODING FROM POOR DRAINAGE ROADWAY.  Also, cleaning the storm drains and grates from the construction debris every now and then might help the situation.  I know, it's a novel concept... give the water somewhere to go and it will not form a three or four foot deep swimming pool.

Not only can you morons not figure out how to build a road with proper drainage, but you insist on pulling stupid stunts like this.  And then, to add to the misery, you have idiot Virginia drivers like these who apparently think their morning commute to work is like Oregon Trail, where they are supposed to try and float their car across the river.

To the asshole in the Saab...

...who was dogging it in the left lane at approximately 5:10pm on Wednesday, August 18, 2010, and then flashed his lights at me after I passed him in the right, UP YOUR FUCKING ASS AND I HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER OF THE EYES.

And to anyone else in DC and the surrounding area that wants to fuck with me, I'll ride your fucking ass all the way home in the left lane, IN THE RAIN that oh so scares all of yooz, then get out of the car and bash your fucking knees in with my Louisville slugger so conveniently placed in my trunk.

Driving 101: Lesson Two

Question 1: There have been severe thunderstorms in your area, and
widespread power outages have resulted. You are on a six lane road,
and off in the distance is an intersection with another six lane
road. The traffic signal is dark. As you approach this intersection
do you:
A). Say to yourself "Hmm, no light. Cool!" and continue speeding toward it.
B). Slow down and proceed with caution through the intersection.
C). Treat the dark signal as a four-way stop sign.
D). Stop well in advance of the intersection, quaking with fear over
not knowing what to do.

The correct answer, my fellow asshats on the road, is C. That's right,
even you, Mr. Metrobus driver who thought the answer was A and almost
caused a multi-car accident in the process. I'm used to your disregard
for all things resembling traffic laws, so I anticipated your
shennanigans, but others less experienced than I in your asshattery
apparently did not.

Since Maryland has a power grid that fails at the mere sight of a
cloud, you'd think all these MD-tagged cars in DC would know the
answer to this question. But apparently not, even though it is in the
MD driver's manual. Of course, I'm not sure it's translated properly
in the Spanish-language version, so maybe that's the issue...

And, I'm not letting you off the hook either, Virginians. You're just
as likely to not be paying attention as you talk on the phone and
drink your coffee and not bother realizing the person in front of you
is stopping at said intersection. Or worse yet, hitting your horn
because you're an impatient me-first asshat who can't figure out why
the "moron" in front of you is stopping.
I hate sharing the road with 99% of you. To the other 1% - be careful
out there. Now, where's that turret?

Now watch this drive...

I'll admit, I've pulled some crazy shit on the back nine in my day. However, Charles Barkley and his golf swing take the goddamn cake.

UPDATE: Metro Access Van

Driving home from work today, I encountered a Metro Access Van going 35 mph in the LEFT LANE of Rt. 123. I got a nice little break in traffic and cut the jackass off with force.

Payback's a bitch, assholes.

Glad to see that WMATA is up to their usual hijinxs

Here's another entry for the annals of the Piss-poor Drivers' Academy. It was a typical Thursday morning other than the short, heavy rainfall around 7:30am. I was about to turn right onto Glebe Road from Fairfax Drive until, OH HI THERE, a Metro Access Van pulls out from a side street right in front of me and proceeds to block the turn lane for me and about ten other folks behind me. Meanwhile, there was a Ford Explorer taking up about two car lengths in the lane that the aforementioned public transport miscreant was trying to merge into. See rain soaked photo below for a detail of the cluster fuck in question:



The light turns green. Guess what happens next? The Explorer moves over to the turn lane after sitting around playing with himself for several minutes. Then again, the Explorer did have Maryland tags so I'll refrain from making any more fun because their citizens are mentally retarded.

Back to the Metro Access Van. Who uses these things? The ones I see are always empty. The van did have a number on it's rear door to call in with complaints. I decided I'd do society a favor and lay off, because if I would have called in, the end result would have resulted in the cops waiting at my apartment building this afternoon, just like how they came for Jet Blue attendant Steven Slater two hours after the incident on the tarmac.

the non angry post

Carnival you have exceeded my expectations! I was concerned as to your service your food and your patrons. I have to put a positive for all three. Although, you will never see this "Phillip the cabin boy" you rocked the house. I don't know how you work 12-15 hours a day and keep a genuine happy smile on your face! You made the day just a little bit better with your sunny disposition. Individuals stateside make 20 times the money and are miserable bastards. The only issue/glitch was that you had a poker machine vs a dealer. And guess what the freaking machine broke before i got a chance to play. To make things even better you didn't have a backup plan for the tournament. Although, this did allow for more quality time with the wife. Anyway, I plan on hitting the cruising style again due to the convenience the style and the Damn good food.
Sincerely

The angry happy edge!

Against All Odds...

I find it a coincidence that that particular Phil Collins classic came on the radio on the way to work today, as it brings up this blog's ever popular topic: driving. After spending 10 years commuting via subway to work in DC and Boston, it's a bit of a shock returning to my vehicle every day. However, the way the DC subway is running these days, it's a welcome relief.

That being said, there is a glaring lack of skill that I find with drivers in the DC/Northern Virginia area. They truly are getting in their cars everyday "Against All Odds." This goes beyond simple things such as blocking the left lane or the ever popular stop and merge. I'm thinking more along the lines of 90% (optimistic estimation here) of drivers around here should not be behind the wheel. I regularly see maneuvers that signal to me that the driver is either A) not aware or doesn't care who is around them or B) they are completely scared to be out on the road. Recipe for disaster.

I will admit that I was raised by a gearhead and in a family of automotive enthusiasts that dabble in sanctioned racing, including the Sports Car Club of America (SCCA). My father, while stationed in the Army in Southern Germany, started a road rally club for army personnel and locals and upon returning to the US, autocrossed a great deal with local clubs in the Philadelphia and Southern New Jersey region. It was during my formative years that I was instilled with a sense of responsibility about driving. While in the car, you must put 110% concentration on the job at hand and take things seriously. I was also taught how to parallel park in a 15 passenger Dodge Ram Van and also was enrolled in a defensive (on-track) driving course at 16 but those are stories for another time.

Driver training is something brushed aside these days; a lost art. How many times have you heard people say "I don't know how to parallel park." More often than you'd want to admit, I'm sure. How many times have you seen a soccer mom in a Chevy Tahoe pull a fast lane change and it appears the offending SUV in question may tip over? Classic example of not knowing the limits of gravity and your vehicle. When was the last time you saw someone signal across the intersection from you to help give you a clue of what would happen next? I thought so. These are folks who should not have a license, as they are a danger to themselves and others around them. I won't even breach the topic of how many of us know how to drive a car with three pedals these days....

Now, I'm not one to bitch and not offer a solution, so here you go. Abolish all the driving tests in each of the 50 states and start from scratch with one universally mandated test. I hear all the states rights people getting up in arms now, but we need to make this an efficient and effective process because driving should not be taken lightly. I'm envisioning a test similar to the one given in the Federal Republic of Germany, which includes a theory and practical test. These are much more comprehensive tests than the ones given in your local high school, though. They cover everything from highway driving and merging at high speeds to things such as operating a manual transmission. Also, licensing is graduated in Germany depending on skill levels and the tests that are successfully completed. In short, there are several hoops to jump through that ensure the trainee is getting the instruction required.

Along with a more industrial strength driving test, defensive driving courses should be a requirement. These courses would cover everything from skid control, handbrake turns and effective high speed cornering and threshold braking. I'm not advocating that everyone out there turn into a Michael Schumacher but having advanced car control strategies in your arsenal is more useful than one would think in everyday driving.

Along with these new measurements, drivers have to start taking driving serious, which means cell phone ban or not, get off the phone and concentrate on the task at hand. In car distractions are too prevalent these days and they are only exacerbated by these ridiculously complex navigation and entertainment systems we find in modern vehicles. Even though my car is three years old, I didn't opt for the navigation system because the last thing I need is my car talking back to me. Knowing how to read maps and having a general sense of direction is yet another lost skill. This is the reason why your fellow motorist just cut you off to zip across to the left hand turn lane. Map reading and route planning should be an integral part of the new driving test. Too many motorists rely an inordinate amount on technology to tell them where to go.

So there you have it. A few solutions to transform these shitty drivers in DC into slightly less shitty drivers. And the next time I hear someone tell me that I'm aggressive or drive way too fast, well, it is as simple as this. A famous actor once said "man's got to know his limitations." And well, I'd like to see those people merge effectively into 120 km/h traffic on the A8 just north of Munich. Amateurs.

Don't block the #!@* box!

So as you may have heard, last night thunderstorms swept through the DC area right around 3:30 PM. Those of you familiar with DC will realize that any form of precipitation paralyzes the region's roads and rails. This includes rain. It also seems that downtown DC's traffic signals are allergic to water - as soon as the first raindrops fall, they either switch to yellow/red flash mode, or just give up completely and go dark.

However, my asshat(s) of the day goes to the drivers who decided, despite the fact that it was obvious that they couldn't make it through the intersection, that they would pull into it anyway. Blocking THREE lanes of cross-traffic, including yours truly, from making it across the intersection and on down the (otherwise
completely empty) avenue. For FOUR or FIVE light cycles. I lost track as I was sitting on my horn pissed off at your "me-first" shelfishness. And, to the bitch in the Prius who put her hands up as if to say "not my fault!" - it IS your fault, you twatwaffle. Don't pull into the m-fing intersection unless your little toy car can make
it out the other side. Driving 101.

It is evenings like last night (when it takes me two hours to get home, instead of the usual 30 minutes) that make me long for the days when I drove an old beater. I would have seriously considered RAMMING
SPEED and just pushing the offending Prius out of my way, GTA roadblock-busting style. Of course, if DC's MPD actually gave a sh1t, they might actually enforce laws such as don't block the box, speeding, reckless driving, etc. But they don't.

Side note: In the event of any sort of mass "evacuation" of DC, we're all epically f-d. Rain paralyzes everything. You might as well park your car, walk to the nearest bar, and enjoy the fireworks show. At least you'd go out doing something other than sitting in traffic, staring at brake lights.

Lane Striping 101

Dear VDOT,
We drivers understand that you occasionally need to change the lane configurations to allow for construction projects. Lane shifts are par for the course in the many myriad construction zones for the HOT lanes and the Silver Line to IAD here in NoVA. However, if you're going to put down new lane striping, some free advice:

1. Don't do it free-hand. It looks like Kramer re-striped I66W inside the Beltway.

2. Remove the old lines!! The lane paint you use sucks as it is, and the lines disappear when it rains - but now there's two or three sets of lines that your distracted asshat drivers are trying to follow. A sea of brake lights inevitably results when drivers come upon your Jackson Pollock-esque interpretation of lane striping. Not to mention that some of the old lines now lead directly into Jersey barriers, which for some reason seem to intimidate the region's drivers just by their mere presence.

The summer vacation season when school is out and the federal government is in recess is usually the best two months of commuting we residents get. And this summer even that's been absolutely miserable. You and Metro should combine forces - the resulting vortex of incompetence and suckitude could destroy the Earth.

What were you thinking?

Okay, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted something. It's not that I haven't been angry about things, it's more that I’ve been busy dealing with the things I’ve been angry about. Let’s get things rolling shall we.

IT Server Rooms in most companies that have more than one computer, that little jimmy the president’s 13 year old son set up as a server, tend to a have a room dedicated to their secure living. These rooms also tend to be climate controlled to keep the hardware that generates heat, and don't work well while hot, cool. Our server room which houses around 10 servers over the past month has averaged a temperature of around 88 degrees with spikes upwards of 100 degrees for hours at a time. I've pushed for change. Pushed for a new AC unit just for the server room. I've Explained numerous times that Heat + Computers = Devastation. This all apparently fell on Deaf Ears. So for the past week I’ve been putting in a ton of extra hours trying to Fix a server and recover data from a 4 year old rack server that much like a union employee decided that the high temperature working conditions just weren't acceptable and stopped working.

IT is the backbone of almost ALL businesses these days, but the fact that the people in charge of these businesses were all born before computers they don't understand. Let’s have a thought experiment. If we were to take away all the computers in your company could you still do business? Some businesses will honestly be able to say yes to that question. However the follow up question of "Will you still be competitive?" will open the realization that you'd be out of business in a few months. So why would anyone not invest in the security and stability of their IT infrastructure is beyond me.

Maybe it’s the fact that I stay late, don’t collect overtime, and fix things before they make any end users lives miserable. I think that is going to change soon.

Dulles Toll Road - Closed - WTF?

Sometime after 6:00 AM this morning, the Dulles Toll Road (DTR) was
closed due to an accident involving a flipped over vehicle. For those
of you unfamiliar with the DTR, it's similar to an urban interstate -
controlled access, 55 mph speed limit, pretty straight, pretty flat.
Four to six lanes in each direction.

How badly must you suck at driving to flip your car over in the middle
of the morning rush on the DTR? It took over an hour to clear and
reopen. Brilliant!! They should fine your ass for the lost tolls, the
fire and rescue response, and as a deterrent. The Europeans do it, and
they're significantly better drivers for it. Having an autobahn in the
US would be a perfect Darwinian exercise crossed with a demolition
derby straight out of Deathrace. Hate to say it, but we'd lose quite a
few piss poor drivers and be the better for it!

But more importantly, my fellow commuters who I see on the road at 5
or 6 or 7 in the morning, talking on the phone - who the f*#k are you
talking to that early? Seriously, if my phone rings at 5 and someone
hasn't either just died or is being rushed to the hospital, you better
prepare for the "what the F are you calling me this early for?"
response. Shut the hell up, hang up the m-fing phone and DRIVE!!
And that goes double for all the teenagers who apparently, according
to a recent study announced out here, text while driving because
driving is boring. WTF? It's apparently much less boring dealing with
Mommy and Daddy's insurance company after you cause a multi-car
accident - after all, crashes ARE the most exciting part of driving!
(/sarcasm).

To the entire generation of distracted, shittastic drivers - screw you
all, asshats.