The blog's new motto

You may have noticed I changed the blog's motto to "Live every day like it's Festivus!" - because generally speaking this is a great place for the airing of grievances.  Not so sure about the feats of strength, but that's okay. Expect more to come in 2012, especially as the "end of the world" nears!  ;)

Parade F-ers, Revisited - Holiday Edition!

Over the long holiday weekend I had the opportunity to go on a nice LONG drive covering 200+ miles of I-81 in Virginia in each direction.  I-81 recently had its speed limit raised for most of its length to 70mph.  Speaking about the new speed limit, Governor McDonnell originally said "The increase in the speed limit from 65 to 70 mph in rural and less populated areas of the state will help Virginians arrive at their destinations quicker and safer and will speed the delivery of goods and services throughout the commonwealth. This is just one step forward in our efforts to significantly improve Virginia's transportation system." News release:  70 mph speed limits announced


Well, Governor McDonnell, here's what I can tell you after driving 400 miles with the "quicker and safer" speed limit:  It's now even more difficult for trucks to pass each other on the lovely two-lane mountain interstate, especially because in the commonwealth "reckless driving" remains the utterly ridiculous 80 mph, even on an interstate where the speed limit is now 70.  That's right - you can either get Virginia's lowest level of speeding ticket  for 1-9 mph over and 3 points, or *BOOM*, misdemeanor reckless driving.  (PMIA jailtime, mandatory court appearance, etc.)  And you still have trucks trying to pass each other with one or two mile-per-hour differentials while traffic behind them queues up for a quarter mile.  Especially when trucks conveniently ignore the "commercial vehicles not allowed in left lane when operated below 70 mph" signage.


You also have the reappearance of the parade f-er, which I first wrote about here: Parade F-ers  Only now, you have an individual in right lane going 69 mph, and an individual in left lane SLOWLY passing the individual in the right lane at 71 mph.  Or the individual that continues obliviously cruising in the left lane at 71 mph, with no one to his right for miles.. because making me have to pass you on the right makes complete sense, right?  It's all the more frustrating when you then attempt to pass on the right and they SPEED UP.  As if to say "How dare you pass me on the right!" (which I wouldn't have to do if you weren't in the left passing lane forevER in the first place, dumbass!)  You can't win here in the commonwealth.  Flash your brights, people take it personally.  Pass on the right so as to avoid to the oblivtard in the left lane - people still take it personally.

Also, a side note to VDOT, which of course they will never see or read since they've banned me:  How is it that I-81S/I-77N are the same interstate, and vice versa?  Please explain how it's not confusing to be going north and south at the same time?  Your signage continues to astound me.  I know and understand that interstates share designations for certain stretches, but I'd be curious if this is the only interstate that shares completely opposite cardinal directions for the shared stretch.

While of course spending the holidays with family make dealing with the travel hassle worth it, it's still a PIA and it's something that could so easily be avoided, if people would just be considerate.  Oh, and one more thing:  HANG UP THE PHONE AND DRIVE!

Dulles Toll Road / Beltway Interchange - Part III

So this piece by the esteemed Dr. Gridlock over at the WP really pissed me off.  Link:  http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dr-gridlock/post/beltwaydulles-toll-road-work-zone-headaches-to-continue/2011/09/22/gIQAb9lanK_blog.html

Summary - you know how I've been complaining for weeks about the changes that VDOT has made to this interchange for the construction?  (Incidentally, VDOT has blocked this blog and some of its contributors on Twitter - apparently the truth hurts, even if you are Tanooki Mario!)  Apparently, this is the best they can do, because they're building a mini-Mixing Bowl, and sold our souls to the Aussies in the process.  Sucks to be us, thanks for paying increasing tolls for the privilege, though!  :-P

Hey Dr. Gridlock - how about going to bat for us?  Instead of parroting VDOT's company line, do some investigative reporting - how on Earth did this construction "plan" get approved in the first place?  To simply inform your readers that "Sorry, things will stay like this until December 2012" is not acceptable.  For those of us who drive this route daily, there's a much bigger threat coming - and that would be Old Man winter.  This interchange is currently a cluster-f of epic proportions even in good weather.  Throw some snow into this abomination and you may need the Fairfax Rescue team to get them out!

And all so the Aussies can build HOT lanes... Protip to our Aussie friends:  It's a recession.  The economy is in the deepest slumber it's been in since the Great Depression.  Guess who probably won't be spending $20 to save 5 minutes on the Beltway?  But thanks for the construction mess for three years!

Has anyone seen the sun?

Apparently it's been 11 days since we've had a bright, sunny day around these parts.  Maybe that's why everyone is so irritable and crabby lately, myself included?

I mean, we've had an earthquake, a hurricane, a power outage due to said hurricane, a tropical storm, flooding, another power outage, and now perpetual cloud cover.  What's next?

I know I haven't been posting as much as I said I would... it's just hard to be motivated lately, and things always seem to get in the way (work, flood repairs, etc.)  But I am hoping to turn things around here and get back on the spaceship, especially as the weather turns colder.

On the bright side - great win for the Giants over the Eagles today (my poor fantasy football starting decisions aside) and the Yankees are on the way to burying their rival Red Sox.  So even if it's cloudy - we'll always have sports!

He spent his whole life being too young to live the life that's in his dreams...

So let's say you're a NASA astronaut.  The shuttle program has just been forcibly ended.  NASA will be launching paper rockets for the forseeable future.  The US is paying for seats on the Russian Soyuz as our only human-rated access to space (at $56M a pop, I might add).  You'd likely be asking yourself, how the hell did we get here?

Of course, the argument goes the economy is in the proverbial toilet, there's no money, etc.  NASA accounts for 0.5% of the federal budget.  Compare that to the DoD and its "black projects" and it's not even a comparison.  (not to mention the two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.)

Ares I was an abortion, and will never see the light of day.  Ares V may yet survive in some form or fashion as the "SLS" (aka "Senate Launch System") - but that too is a rocket to nowhere.

You may remember my post from over a year ago.  http://angrygentlemen.blogspot.com/2010/04/kennedy-would-be-really-proud.html  Sadly, nothing has changed.  The layoffs of all of those who worked so hard on shuttle continue, and the knowledge continues to walk out the doors of the VAB.

I has a sad.  More to follow.

Sometimes, you just gotta wonder...

On Thursday evening, heading home from work, my windshield was cracked by a flying rock, kicked up by a speeding bus driving partly on the shoulder, in one of the perpetual VDOT NoVA construction zones.  Why does it take VDOT longer to do anything than any other transit agency on the planet?  (Except maybe Metro... but really, that's a pretty low freaking bar.)

Now, mind you - because this hellhole of a state says "reckless driving" is 20mph over the speed limit, or anything over 80... I couldn't pass the bus, who had to already be doing 75 mph.  And, knowing my luck, I'd be the one pulled over since I'm an easier target than a big ass Loudoun County bus.

There are times when I really dislike living and driving in Virginia.  This weekend is again one of those times.

Also, at what point will VDOT do something about the cluster-fark they've created on BOTH SIDES of the Dulles Toll Road?  Eastbound there's the debacle I mentioned in my last post.  Westbound, there's now a left lane that magically disappears - right into the lane next to it - without a sign, without a marking... nothing.  The lane just... ENDS.  As if they ran out of paint, or someone put the lane lines down incorrectly in the first place.  It's incredibly dangerous.  And yet, even though several people I know have reported it, VDOT has done what VDOT does best - jack shit.  Maybe after someone dies, they'll pay attention.

Dulles Toll Road / Beltway Interchange: Another new cluster-f brought to you by VDOT!

An open letter to Steve Titunik, VDOT spokesperson, and VDOT itself.

Dear Mr. Titunik, or for these purposes, Tanooki Mario (the reason will become clear momentarily):

I don't know whether the brilliant plan to take away an additional left-hand merge lane at this interchange was yours, or if you just had the misfortune to have to be the one to publicly announce it.  However, what I can tell you, and what I've been trying to tell anyone who will listen is that IT IS NOT WORKING.  This change was made on June 13, and the morning commute has been an absolute abomination since then!  (Adding at least 20-30 minutes, even at 7AM!)  

Every single comment on the WTOP article, all 22, are negative.  See for yourself:  

http://www.wtop.com/?nid=41&sid=2420289

Every single comment on the Washington Post article - also negative.  Again, see for yourself:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/mazed-and-confused-at-the-beltway-interchange/2011/06/10/AGXwkeQH_story.html

I've called 1-800-FOR-ROAD.  I've tweeted.  I've emailed Dr. Gridlock and WTOP's traffic staff (VDOT  received an honorable mention on the traffic report every morning last week for this debacle!)  

The response from VDOT, and more specifically, from you?

Shouldn't your alleged "monitoring" of the situation have told you that the Toll Road is now backing up to Hunter Mill Road at 7am?  Even though the construction has been a pain in the @ss, it's never been THIS bad.  Until now, that is.

Does VDOT actually require any sort of training or engineering degrees for the people who make these decisions?  Do these people ever actually drive on these roads, especially at rush hour?  Or do you just throw changes at the map on the wall and hope for the best?  This "Megaproject" is a Megadisaster!

The signage at this location (like most VDOT signage generally) sucks.  The lane markings at this location suck.  And your latest change to actually eliminate what little asphalt existed for those of us simply trying to get to I-66E REALLY sucks.  Now we're stuck with all the Beltway-merging commuters.  Oh, and the Beltway North having only ONE lane to exit?  Another brilliant maneuver.

Get with the program, please.  My biggest fear is that once the summer school break starts, you guys will actually believe this has "fixed" things.  It hasn't.  Or worse yet, you'll "study" it for a while, or "monitor" it for a while, hoping it will resolve itself.  It won't.  This is a disaster.

FIX IT.  And don't worry, I'll keep complaining about it until you do.  I'm tired of paying for the privilege of driving on the Dulles Toll Road only to be stuck in traffic for YEARS because of VDOT's sheer incompetence.  This is going to continue until 2012?  God help us all.

Mr. Sex While Driving 85 on the Beltway Guy

Bud Light presents… real men of genius.

(Reeeeaaaaallllll men of geniusssssssssssss!)

Today, we salute you, Mr. Sex While Driving 85 on the Beltway Guy*

(Mr. Sex While Driving 85 on the Beeeeeeeeeelllltwaaay Guy!)

Not content with birthday sex, or even standard backseat action, you decided to UP the ante.

(Take it to the next leveeeeelllllll!)

30 MPH?  50 MPH?  No way, compadre!

(Vroom Vroom VROOM!)

There’s only one way to both tame this bucking bronco and keep it on the road…

Cruise control set to 85, and reverse cowgirl!

(Better open the moonroof!  Watch your heeeeeeeeead!)

You’re doing such a good job, she’s seeing stars!

Or are those just blue flashing lights?

(Uh-oh, It's the Pohhhh-Pohhhh!)

But don’t worry, soon your cellmate will be doing ALL the driving.

(I hear he drives a stick shift!)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Cassanova of the Beltway.

And remember, where you’re going… there is no such thing as exit only.

(Mr. Sex While Driving 85 on the Beeeeeeeeeelllltwaaay Guy!)

* http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-state-of-nova/post/on-the-beltway-a-claim-of-drunken-sex-at-85-mph/2011/06/15/AGNgleWH_blog.html

METRO: Making Everyone Travel Ridiculously Off-Schedule

Another week of commuting pain, another letter....


Dear WMATA:

My commute home requires that I transfer from the blue line to the orange line at Rosslyn, headed towards Vienna. For the past three weeks, I have had the unfortunate circumstance to arrive at Rosslyn at 5pm and then be forced to wait, on a regular basis, over 10 minutes for an orange line train to arrive.

I am curious how WMATA summons the bold faced audacity to charge a "peak of the peak fare" when there is an inadequate amount of orange line trains running westbound and overcrowding has been a well-documented issue? It seems clear that WMATA management doesn't ride the subway on a regular basis or you are more unprepared than Poland during the German invasion of 1939. Either way, all of the riders are getting screwed on this one.

As an aside, can you please tell your train operators to stop treating the brakes like a damn on/off switch? It's getting too dangerous for riders who don't expect their constant velocity to go from about 30 mph to zero in .001 seconds.

With lowest regards,

Angry Commuter

Of the people, by the people, for the people?

[Apologies in advance for the lack of posting this month - it's been a little busy at rocketworks inc., so I haven't had the time to finish this post until now.  But, things are looking up in the posting world so expect more posting with reckless abandon!]


Now then, having said that... our wonderful Congress took us to the brink of a government shutdown, before finally realizing that paralyzing a nascent economic recovery by instantaneously putting almost a million people out of work might not be the best idea they ever had.  But it also got this Angry Rocketman thinking... and realizing that our "representatives" in Congress are truly utterly and completely out of touch with both reality, and the people they're supposedly representing.


First and foremost:  Base Salary:  $174,000


And yet, you have "representatives" that claim they are living "paycheck to paycheck" and thats why, if the government shut down, they'd still "need" their paychecks.


Rep. Linda Sanchez (D-Calif.) says she’s not willing to forgo her salary.  “I have to tell you, I live paycheck to paycheck, like most Americans,” she said Thursday afternoon on MSNBC. “It's very difficult for me to say, ‘Hey, I can give up my paycheck,’ because the reality is, I have financial obligations that I have to meet on a month-to-month basis that doesn't make it possible for me.”


Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI) says "I guarantee that I have more debt than all of you. With 6 kids, I still pay off my student loans. I still pay my mortgage. I drive a used minivan. If you think I’m living high off the hog, I’ve got one paycheck. So I..I struggle to meet my bills right now. Would it be easier for me if I get more paychecks? Maybe, but at this point I’m not living high off the hog."

So let me see if I get this straight... you make $174K a year, and yet you are somehow living paycheck to paycheck?  #DOINGITWRONG!  And yet, it's these same apparently fiscally irresponsible morons who are supposed to both represent our interests and also control the long-term budget of this country?  Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, we are screwed!  And they also couldn't understand why the "average" federal government employee, who 9 times out of 10 is making less than $174K, would be concerned about a shutdown?  I know we can't all be rocket scientists, but this is just too much!


And, for the privilege of their utter incompetence, and dereliction of duty such as passing a budget, between the house and the senate, we pay them $94 million dollars a year, in the aggregate.  (This is leaving out the higher salaries for the party leadership and the speaker of the house, etc.)  Our taxes at work! 


What is equally troubling is that it's no longer possible for someone like yours truly to be elected to Congress. You need deep pockets just to even try to run for office!  This clearly is not what the founders intended, yet that is where we find ourselves.  Democrats and Republicans - same sh**, different animal.  The only thing they can generally agree about is disagreeing.  And it's become incredibly clear in my decades on this planet that it does not matter who controls which house, or who happens to be in the White House - it's all the same inefficient, bureaucratic, pointless BS.


More to follow.

Memo to Congress

Get your heads out of your collective asses (difficult for most of
you, especially the Tea Party) and pass an actual real f-ing budget
already. You can't keep funding shit two weeks at a time. It's
incredibly inefficient and wastes resources.

You are all a waste of space. Every single last one of you.

A Year's Hiatus From METRO And This Is What I Return To...

Something tells me that even with a devastating earthquake, the Japanese trains are keeping better time than WMATA these days. And then there's the renowned WMATA escalators. Always a source of amusement, they have become rather dangerous as of late. Witness my latest in a series of rants to METRO HQ:

----------
Dear WMATA:

More than likely, you have all missed my letters as of late. After a year hiatus, I'm back to riding your subways again. While I'm not thrilled with the higher prices and diminishing service, can you please do me one little favor?

CAN YOU PLEASE FIX THE LOWER LEVEL, EAST SIDE ESCALATOR AT ROSSLYN? Twice in one week I have been walking down this apparatus and one of the risers collapsed inward on me, much like the recent accident at Foggy Bottom.

Want to save some money? How about avoiding law suits resulting from someone falling through the escalator and keep up with the maintenance, huh?

Your friend,

Captain Diplomacy

Buy.com "Customer Service"

Apropos of the Mad Martian's first post (how'd your first time feel?) ;)

I recently ordered some server equipment from buy.com.  (A server rack, a caster/wheel set for it, cage nuts, and mounting screws.)  Four items total.  The first item weighs around 110 pounds, so must be shipped via ground.  Okay, no problem.  That particular item was also backordered on Amazon for "three to four weeks" so I took a shot and ordered it on Buy because it was (allegedly) both available and $75 cheaper than Amazon, even with Amazon having free shipping and Buy charging $21 for shipping.

BIG MISTAKE.

All four items supposedly shipped on 2/24.  Red flag number one:  Only the 1 lb "cage nuts" received a tracking number.  They said "large, bulky items may not receive a tracking number."  Oooookay.  I received one email for the cage nuts saying they'd shipped, and one email for the other three components (about 2 hours apart) saying they'd shipped.  I thought - GREAT, I should be able to put it all together this weekend.

Here we sit on March 5th.  I've received... the cage nuts.  Three days ago.  Which, incidentally, does me a whole lot of good without the other three items!  I contacted Buy's "Customer Service" on 3/3 at 8AM, using the "Where is my shipment?" option.  They claim it will take 24 hours to respond and investigate normally, but up to 48 in the cases of missing shipments.  And that only includes business days, of course.  I love when you contact a company and the answer to every question is "we will have to investigate."  Let's see... it says it shipped.  What carrier did you use to ship it?  When is the estimated delivery date?  Why isn't there a tracking number?  The fact of the matter is I've ordered things from all over this fine country of ours, and even if it was shipping from the northwest corner of Washington state, it should be here by now if it shipped on the 24th.  Our country is great, and large, but it's not Siberia we're talking about here.  

So, Buy... you're on notice.  The clock is ticking for you to make this right and make me happy.  And you better believe I'll be on the phone with you at 9AM on Monday if I don't have a response by then, with my wrath at the ready if necessary.  I've always erred on the side of being nice with the customer service reps, but as I learned in many an epic battle with Comcast - sometimes, you have to use the hammer!

On the bright side, since they shipped separately, I have a nice neat line item on my credit card for the other three items to dispute with my credit card company if they don't make this right.  And at this rate, I should have just ordered it from Amazon.  Even waiting two weeks it probably would have been here "Buy" now!

The Hunt for good customer service...

Let’s say you make an appointment with your local dealership to have an issue fixed on your car and they say due to the type of issue you don’t need to schedule an appointment just bring it in immediately to have it fixed. The issue was a tire leak. It simply wasn’t holding air for more than 12 hours at a time.

Okay – so I get to the dealer and they take the car in right away, but they don’t talk to me for another 20 minutes about the car. I see this as normal behavior, but as I mentioned to the lot boy who processed in my car that I have a hard stop time two hours from this point. The service manager who spoke to me said he would do his best to meet this requirement. I reiterated to him that this wasn’t a negotiable item as I had to pick up my daughter from daycare before they closed. At this point he stated that he understood the situation and would insure that it got done on time.

An hour passed and word came from the service area that my wheel was cracked and needed replacement. This was within 30 minutes of the hard stop time and the technician working on this said it would take only another 10-15 minutes to get it done and out the door. The service manager concurred with the time assessment. I gave them the green light to replace the wheel and expected my car in said time.

Okay, now 30 minutes has passed. I’m at my hard limit and I’m walking to the service manager to determine where my car is and why it is taking longer than stated. He had no clear explanation for me, but said he would check on it. He didn’t leave his seat for 20 minutes and didn’t make any calls in this time frame either. So now, I’m livid. I start to look for a “higher up” manager, I didn’t care who I just wanted someone who could light a fire to get me out the door. By the time I locate the appropriate manager, ~ 10 minutes I see my service manager trying to get my attention. He says that my car is done and that he was going to walk me over to the cashier to expedite the process. Bear in mind that I’m now over my hard stop time by 45 minutes and my patience is completed gone and now I’m just memorizing all of the events so I can explain the situation to the appropriate people at a later time. I’m worried that I won’t get to my girl in time and now I’m going to incur additional expenses because I’m late getting my girl.

Everyone and I do mean everyone at the dealership oversold their capabilities! This type of behavior is utterly unacceptable and should be reprimanded with a thousand lashes. Nothing is more important to me than someone’s word. If you state that you can deliver on a promise you damn well better make good on your word. Otherwise, you are simply a liar and someone who can’t be trusted further.

Bottom line – customer service is at an all-time low and I’m experiencing this at an alarming rate. Note to all those in the service industry – GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT IN LINE! I’m tired of the excuses.

It's a race against time...

Now that the IRS has gotten off its ass and allowed for those using Schedule A of Form 1040 to file, it's a race against time!  What will happen first, will the government shutdown or will the IRS process the refunds?

An interesting note - in the event of a government shutdown, the IRS only processes those returns that include payments. - apparently that is an "essential function".  Getting a refund?  BOHICA.  "Non-essential."

And, a special F-U to Congress.  Great time to take a recess, you useless asshats.  I love the brinkmanship, and I really love that you're playing games with a barely-recovering-economy by threatening to put hundreds of thousands of federal workers on involuntary furlough.  Really, THIS is your recovery plan?  Screw you.  Screw you all, you are all the same useless bags of gas and bullshit.  Democrat, republican... same shit, different designation.

The real dilemma:  who do you vote for, when you think everyone sucks equally?  

I've Got A Lot Of Names For These Things

And, well, the plural form that Toyota has just announced wasn't one of them:

Toyota Says Plural of Prius is "Prii"

Well, whatever you want to call these hideous contraptions, if I MUST be forced to set eyes on one, let it be from this point of view:

Parking on P1 - it's a privilege, not a right!

Today, my day STARTED OUT pissing me off (as you may or may not have
seen from my Tweet earlier).  Roll into the garage at 7:45AM, and I'm
behind a red Prius who decides to attempt to park on P1 in a compact
space.  Really, not an issue, it's a Prius, this should be easy,
right?  WRONG!  It took her, I sh1t you not, at least FIVE minutes to
back her ass into this f-ing parking space, even with the guidance of
our garage attendants who are frantically waving at her because now
she's backing cars up the entrance ramp because, you know, it's
morning rush hour?  And, because no one can see her but me (as she was
about 7 spaces from the right turn of the entrance) they all seemed to
think I was just sitting there for some unknown reason, so they sit
there blowing horns and sh1t.  Really, asshats?  Yes, I'm just sitting
here for no reason... in the middle of the ramp, not moving... I
figured what the hell, this seems like a good place to park!

Protip:  If you cannot reverse-park quickly and efficiently, do not
park on P1 right near the entrance first thing in the morning!  Drive
your shit down to P3 and take as long as you want to park your f-ing
toy car.

--
Sent from my mobile device

"Seemingly every other day, I raise my angry fist to the skies..."

The title of this post is from this WP article today: A noon appointment with a Bahamas beach.

If there was ever a more fitting quote for this blog, I haven't found it.  And I'm not just talking about winter in general, although that definitely makes me angry, as my posts here will attest (the snow, the driving, or lack thereof, etc.).  But really, it's broader than that.

Last week at work was a perfect example.  I've had more than one person complaining that a certain regulatory filing is due on Valentine's Day, and that was apparently really messing with their schedules.  (Including one who told me it was interrupting his skiing vacation with his mistress in Vail, Colorado.  Yes, you read that right, not wife, mistress!)  The previous two years, the deadline wasn't Vday, but that's simply because it happened to fall on a weekend those two years so the deadline was automatically extended, per the federal regs.  And yet, somehow, it's my fault that it's on Vday?

Real talk:  I got so annoyed with one of them not understanding the deadline that I actually made this person get a calendar, open it, and count 45 days from December 31.  "Oh, you end up on Vday?  Yes... that's right... and that's why it's the deadline!  I don't make the rules, I just have to follow them!"  Gah!

It seems that everyone seems to have spent January jacking off, then decided when they rolled into their offices on February 1 that "Oh, better do some work!" - WTF?  It's been an absolutely brutal month so far.  Here's hoping that springtime comes soon, and with it... less insanity and fist shaking!  (Although I tend to doubt that last part...)

The Return

Well welcome back to my deviant mind. I had to go away for a while to hone my anger and distaste for everything and everyone around me. let's start with a quick little list and let it simmer.

1. Death I hate you! how dare you attempt to take things i enjoy and then stay your hand from people who obviously need a good killing!
2. Twitter enough said
3. Peanut Butter long have waited to destroy your lineage
4. Ticks (who came up with this F-ing retarded bug) i mean really thanks for the Lyme ass
5. tipping at the carryout counter REALLY isn't that why you drove your ass up there in the first place and now you feel guilty and are going to steal seconds from my life!
6. People who cant add while tipping at the counter!
7. Crab grass! You started the war and now i am going to nuke your A!
8. The i-phone 4 and Verizon! Verizon if your going to get the i-phone make it the 5!!! i don't want you lame ass non 4G old ATT tech. "But but It must be great its from Steve Jobs." F you mindless apple heads.
9. Democrats and Republicans your all in it together you thieving bastards!
10. Ice storms

Edge out

Another Country(man) heard from...

OK, I know, it's been a while since my last contribution. Let's just say shit hit the fan in Q4 2010 for me and leave it at that.

While we were gone, I wound up buying a new (to me) car. It's a 2006 MINI Cooper S, with a proper 6 speed manual gearbox. The sucker is fast as hell, as you would expect for anything this size and weight packing a supercharged and intercooled engine (see below).



Apparently MINI wasn't content with its success at hitting the mark on what a proper sports compact should be. So they come along with this hideous contraption:



Meet the Countryman, folks. And there's nothing "mini" about it. Now, on it's own, this wouldn't be a terrible vehicle. For an SUV, it's small, has good interior space and gets decent gas mileage. About the only thing lacking is that it only seats four, as it has a gimmicky full length center console. The big issue with this vehicle is its name. MINI. Why bother getting a vehicle like this if it completely misses the whole point of buying from a particular marque? Anyway, I rest my case. There's no point in being long winded about things when I know that I'm right. While picking up some parts, I made certain to voice my opinion of this vehicle to the fine folks at Princeton MINI. "It creeps me out."

So while some Americans are thinking they're cool because they figured out a way to own a MINI and an SUV at the same time, enthusiasts like me know better. Time to book passage for my original Cooper S to Germany so I can hit the Nürburgring and eat some Porsche 911s for lunch in the corners. Like this:

J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!

Well, here we are at halftime. At least I can be secure in the
knowledge that the Giants aren't the only NY football team that's not
making the Superbowl.

(Not that I've forgiven the Giants for their pathetic performances
against the Eagles or Green Bay, but that's a story for another post,
along with the ridiculousness of a 10 - 6 team not making the playoffs
while a 7-9 team wins their division... Nice job, Suckhawks!)

We're going off the rails...

... on an icy train!  *UGH*

Oh noes, here comes an ice storm!

If there's one thing that winter in DC is famous for, it's the dreaded "wintry mix."  And the storm tonight into tomorrow is looking like a mess of snow, sleet, and freezing rain, eventually changing to rain but not before the morning commute becomes a demolition derby.  Freezing rain is the stuff nightmares are made of whenever you have to be out on the roads.  Just an eighth of an inch coating the road surface and off to the skating rink we go!  (Note:  Yes, that statement applies to you too, Mr./Mrs. SUV driving asshat.  You can hit the curb or the guardrail just as easily as everyone else - if not even easier, with your higher center of gravity.  So maybe, just maybe, you should slow down like the rest of us?)  Physics!  Whowouldathunk it?

Toyota Prius Plural Ad Campaign: Are you #$%! kidding me?

New Prius Ad Campaign

Hmmmm, plural for Prius.  While I remain partial to Prii, I'd also accept... Prisucks.  Priblows.  PriRAT-TAT-TAT as it gets riddled with .50 cal holes...

I'm thrilled they will expand to an entire lineup of vehicles, clogging the HOV lanes in Virginia, spawning little Prii babies in San Francisco (at last report also a hotbed of Prius activity), and just generally being a slalom course on the roads.  Toxic batteries are really fantastic for planet Earth, as is all the additional pollution you force every other car to unleash into the atmosphere as we slowly creep along behind your hyper-miling, 54MPH in a 65MPH speed limit zone driving, let's creep from light to light at 32 MPH so as to not use the gas motor, smug-spewing asshats.

My personal favorite is when you have two Prii side by side on the interstate, both traveling under the speedlimit, with a line of cars queued up behind them, no passing lane to go around them, as they float down the road on a cloud of their own smugness, completely unaware of the cluster-fark they've created behind them.  Or they just don't care.  Then they act shocked and appalled when you have no choice but to pass on the shoulder, or on the entrance/exit ramps, and they flash their little high beams, and shake their tiny fists through the windshield at you, as you salute them with a cloud of your exhaust.  As the old saying goes, there's no replacement for displacement, bitches!  And your tiny, battery powered toy car is no match for someone who wants your slow moving ass in his rearview mirror.

DC Metro: Lord of the Flies

http://bit.ly/hptpbM

Seriously?  Yeah... good luck with that whole "preventing terrorists through random bag checks" thing, when you can't protect passengers from groups of rowdy children.  WTF WMATA?

A dusting of snow... oh noes!

Can someone please explain to me why, even a light dusting of snow overnight (there's less than 1" on the neighborhood streets) causes both a panic at the supermarket (now there's a band name, panic at the disco!) and a demolition derby on the roads?

And, don't get me started on all the "snow lovers" in this area who are "so disappointed" that the day after Xmas blizzard missed us, and now this storm is only bringing us an inch of snow.  Memo to you white stuff addicts:  This area cannot handle two feet of snow dumped all at once.  CANNOT HANDLE IT.  Are we clear?

Apparently, the monster winter we had last year (with more snow than Rochester, NY) wasn't enough to satisfy you.  You're like the nymphos of the weather world, now that you've had it, you just want more more more!

And, in sad news out of the Virginia DMV...

http://jalopnik.com/5724684/virginia-dmv-revokes-worlds-greatest-license-plate

The complete and utter wussification of our country continues.  "Oh my, I am offended!  Won't someone think of the CHILDREN?"  And how does one make the cognitive leap that the 13 brain-dead drones at the VA DMV must have?  Seriously?  That's what you come up with?

Also, isn't it a bit ironic that they offend the owner of the plate in question in the process of attempting to revoke them, because 4 citizens in a Commonwealth of almost 8 million were "offended"?  I hope the Virginia DMV is flooded with requests for these, and other, humorous vanity plates.

Can I call and say I am "offended" by all the Toyota Prius drivers with their oh-so-cute "HOV-1" "99 MPG" and "HOV 4ME" bullshiat plates, as they cruise in the left lane at 54 mph?

So we meet again, IRS

Do you itemize your tax deductions?  (Schedule A of Form 1040?  Own a home?  Take the mortgage interest deduction?)  Congratulations - because the IRS is a slow moving, worthless, bureaucratic behemoth, you can't even FILE your taxes until "mid to late February."  IRS news release here:  http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=233449,00.html?portlet=7

So, let me get this straight... ADP and all the other payroll processors were ready to "flip the switch" after this series of laws was enacted on December 17th.  January 1, 2011, they were all good to go.  But it takes the IRS an extra TWO MONTHS to implement the same changes to its "processing systems"?  Are you serious?

And, by delaying all the "early filers" - that means there will be another late-filer crunch... more delays, more nonsense, etc.  The federal government is becoming more and more useless with each passing day.  Our tax dollars at work!

So, let's see how long it will take to get a tax refund out of this fantastic agency this year...  maybe they can beat last year's record of August!

First update of 2011: Still angry!

There's going to be some big changes in the coming days to this blog.  First and foremost, the round-robin posts by various authors format obviously isn't working, so I'm taking sh1t over.  We will still have our guest contributors, but I'm not relying on others to keep things moving.  So prepare for more Angry Rocketman!

Second, the blog will soon have a twitter feed.  So if something makes me angry on my way to work, you'll hear about it.  If I'm watching the Giants game and they once again FAIL TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS (you bitches!), you will hear about it.  All in real time, stream-of-consciousness, mind of the Angry Rocketman style.  Hope you're ready!

Follow me on twitter at @angrygentlemen - if my HTML-fu is working, there's a button on the right.  (Not a bathroom, a button...)*

Welcome to 2011 - and stay angry, my friends.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Moon_Rising_(song)